Hiraeth (pronounced [hiraɪ̯θ])

    AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

    FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    LENGTH: 200 

    CHARACTERS: Lisa Torres*; Dawn Summers; Martin King (Lisa's Dad),

    'SHIP: Dawn/Lisa,

    SUMMARY: As this is intended for Halfamoon 2025's Day Thirteen Prompt, One Hit Wonders, a little backstory.

                        Lisa is Dawn's companion during her scenes in 'The Body'; only scenes she, Lisa' has in the series. Over the years I have written a lot; A Lot, of stories featuring the two as a couple.

                       This is the first time she has had a surname; this is the case with her Dad as well; hence the different surnames, a fact that will be, hopefully, be explained in a future story. Lisa's Mom died when she was two year's old.
                      Those three facts are the same in every 'verse I've written them into and, the only relevance they have here is that a certain character is alive in this 'verse, and her name is included in the story. Relevant here is that Lisa's Mom and Dad never married and her Dad has been raising her alone since her Mom died.

                      At this point they are somewhere between Homecoming, when they were seventeen, and the second half of their Senior year when they are both eighteen; no particular relevance there, excepting it leaves it open for me to include this story in all my Buffyverses where Sunnydale is destroyed.

A/N: Title is a reference both to Girl in Red's iconic We Fell in Love in October, but also to the original idea for a story I've been working on since, it feels like forever, as far back as lockdown.

     “Butterflies? “

   Lisa managed to breathe, at least, as Dawn's pinky brushed hair from her wet cheek. Grasping the finger she kissed it, smiling as she turned her head.

   “Feet as big as icebergs.”

   Dawn's eyes revealing how young she really wasn't, Lisa was transported back to the first time she'd made Dawn laugh after the death of her Mother.

   “Are we ready?”

   Dawn's query was almost the reverse of hers on Dawn's first day back at School after the funeral.

   Wordlessly touching foreheads they began whispering some of Tara's favourite song lyrics; almost like a prayer to them now.

   The sound of the front door of her house roused them; turning they saw her Dad, trying to look stern with his arms across his chest.

   Demanding an answer.

   “Are We not due a formal introduction?”

   Momentarily confused Lisa rolled her eyes, before realising that this was Dawn's first visit since they'd come out as a couple. Then she took in the formal inquiry.

   Her Dad was talking about her Mom.

   Smiling as a single tear prepared to journey down her cheek, Lisa took their hands in hers; connecting the four of them.

   “My Parents this... This is my Heart revealed.”

    May the Goddess watch over you in these dark time, 
    kerk hiraeth 


     FIRST LOVE 
     by 
     John Clare 
 

   TITLE: Chasing Cars

   AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

   LENGTH: 200

   FANDOM: GL's / Kdramas

   CHARACTERS/'SHIP: OC's (there are three)

   A/N: This idea is a variation on something I've been writing, and re-writing, in my head for well over two years. Sometimes they are Thai; sometimes Filipina; sometimes Korean. This will also, hopefully become something else one day. Even the title changed several times as I have been trying to write this version. The characters have names. I do not know them yet, and may never do so. All three have pretty full back stories; all in my head ~ some of which is finally down on paper, metaphorically speaking.

          This was written for Halfamoon; intended for 2025 Day 1 prompt; Fashion it actually feels, now that I have this as finished as I feel it can be, more fitting for lasy year's Day 1 prompt Black/White, but particularly, Shades of Grey. 

ADDENDUM: I came to the conclusion this was a good fit for Halfamoon, but it will go up there for Day 14 prompt, First Loves.  

     As with a mirror crack'd my memories are dis... jointed.

   She was wearing a younger boys shorts, and a soccer jersey; at least one size too big.

   For him.

   She was at least a head shorter than me; more than a head taller than me the last time we were together at her eighteenth birthday party.

   She was dressed in red then too; Calvin Klein boxers I'd bought her.

   But I can't remember her.

   What she sees is a ghost.

   I ran.

   She stayed and fought.

   I don't know the woman she became.

   And I do not remember the girl she loved.

   That ghost in her head.

   That girl died the night she got on her knees for the price of a bowl of soup.

   I see the love we had in the photographs, but I don't remember her.

   I don't know her.

   Do you imagine I want her to know what I became.

   After twenty years I am not that girl; not even a woman really.

   I am what I became that night.

   Can you hold her?

   If you do nothing else; hold her the way I did once, the way she...

   The way I wish I could.

     I fall before you,

     Here I am,

     I have nothing left

     Though I've tried to forget,

     You're all that I am,

     Take me home,

     I'm through fighting it,

     Broken,

     Lifeless,

     I give up,

     You're my only strength,

     Without you,

     I can't go on,

     Anymore,

     Ever again. 

   (lyrics from October by Evanescence) 

   TITLE: 900 Days

   AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer ( *verse );

   CHARACTER(s): Willow Rosenberg; Silja Rönnensbarn (OC);

   'SHIP(s): Willow/OC (Silja);

   LENGTH: 899;

   RATING: NC-17;

   A/N: This is written for the halfamoon.dreamwidth.org/392164.html prompt #1 Under the Light of the Moon, and is set in a previously unexplored buffyverse, which is a close cousin to the world in which I set It's Easy to be Noble (When You're Not) in Constantinople kerk-hiraeth.dreamwidth.org/3891.html . Silja is a presence in that, though she does not appear, and the Willow in this is literary kin to the one in that story.

          They are in the Philippines having met just after Willow split with a previous lover, and two days after the anniversary of Tara's death in Seeing Red. They have never; at least not directly, spoken about Tara and, though Silja knows who she was, has never heard Willow speak Tara's name in her presence. Silja comes from the Swedish-speaking areas of Finland; thinks of herself as Finnish, though Swedish is her first language. 

         There are references to the BtVS Season Five episode, Listening to Fear, as well as some specific inspirations from a Philippines lesbian series called Lulu https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sFpvAMe1NI . 

         The Emily Dickinson poems between them started the train of thought that, eventually, led to this story. 

     Willow moaned as Silja reached for her lips.

   “Dos iz onvarfn,” she complained as the unlit fag was sent flying into the moonlit South China Sea night.

   About the only word she recognised in her lover's offensive response was the Finnish for Yiddish, she thought; only having started learning that less than a month previous, not that her grasp of Swedish was improving tremendously.

   Apart from a few very important phrases.

   “No fair, “ Willow bid fair to point out to Silja as her complaint was cut off, “I'm still trying to learn Swed... “

   Instead of pointing out the deliberate... mistake, Silja hisspered into her ear; in synch with the two fingers, into her mouth, that had so recently made her cum.

   “Babae ko yan, “ which Willow recognised as a sentiment, even if she didn't know the words.

   Shit, Rosenberg! You can recognise Indigo Girls lyrics in a dozen dead languages, but...

   Distracted by the task of cleaning the fingers she put aside phantom grievances and let herself lean back into her lover's chest as they reached their free hand over to stroke the boob they could reach.

   Stubbornly enjoying the discomfort Silja must be in she closed her eyes and let herself enjoy what she was doing.

   Task completed she allowed herself a surly grunt as tik-silja raised herself up onto an elbow and whispered, “That's three she owes me. “

   Wishing mightily the full moon; heavenly and Heavenly, was not making her so horny; Willow suddenly turned tables on her equally horny lover and, after a significant pause as they stared into each other's eyes, began teasing Silja's collarbone.

   “Long way short of that record, my tik-silja.”

   Silja snarled back, “Devorah's.. or hers.” Then screech-laughed as Willow took revenge at the name of the woman she'd broken up with; they'd broken up with each other truthfully, roiling a nipple between her teeth, before they headed down between her legs for what was not destined to be a gentle session under the light of a beautiful filipino moon.

   Gleefully she gave in to the fuck she'd been after.

     ~ 
 

   Finally able to enjoy a fag unmolested Willow lay back on the sand enjoying the satisfaction of Silja getting some control over her breathing again.

   Seeing something cross the face of the glistening moon above she suddenly took in the star formations and. almost out of nowhere, one of the phrases she had been practicing escaped, albeit imperfect, her lips.

   “Vad? “ Silja managed to gasp, before Willow tossed her cigarette away and raised her arm pointing at one of the constellations visible on the night of a full moon.

   She couldn't see all of them, and they weren't the same ones, but the memories they evoked did not care.

   “Den stora ananasen. “

   “Den... Va... What? “

   Willow switched arms and, as she lay her arm over Willow's torso, Silja followed the line of that arm. She had no great knowledge of her own night sky; let alone this one over the moonlit South China Sea, but she found the constellation being pointed out.

   Sensing something important was happening she stayed silent, and kissed Willow's shoulder as she felt a choked off sob behind their breathing as they whispered.

   “The big pineapple. She said the actual constellations made no sense, so... She made up her own. “ Then their gazes followed Willow's pointer to another set of visible stars. “Húdié... Butterfly. I made up some of my own and; when we came back from seeing that at an Asian Film Festival in Frisco, saw that in the sky.

   I mean, they're not the same stars. Not really, but they kind of remind me of them. “

   Resting her head against Willow's belly, Silja could feel the emotions that were being released after so long.

   “Suuremmat ja pienemmät yksisilmäiset viksut. “ Clarifying; giving her love's belly a kiss. “The greater and lesser one-eyed vixens. “

   Stroking Silja's short, and very Marie Fredriksson looking hair, Willow began humming the only bit of a Roxette song she could recall. It was expanded upon, with added finger drums, as Silja used her cheeks as an inpromptu soundbox, humming into Willow's belly; around, and along with what with they were remembering. 

   After a few more minutes where they could only hear the waves; birds and a distant prop plane... and each other's breathing, Willow lifted herself up slightly, and they held hands.

   Both hands.

   Willow gripped tighter as she found some well of inner streng... no peace, and spoke softly; almost as of she were speaking to some distant, ghostly, memory.

   “Nine. Hundred. Days, “ turning her head to look Silja directly in the eyes, in a way she never had before. We've been together nine hundred days. “

   Silja tried, but did not succeed in choking off her own sob as Willow whispered, “We've broken that record. “ Then they kissed Silja deeply, and more passionately than ever before.

   Adding, after they broke the kiss, “Vi har slagit det rekordat, my tik-silja.

   Niohundra dagar. “

     An Hour is a Sea 
     Between a few, and me ~ 
     With them, would harbor be ~ 
        (Emily Dickinson, c.1864) 

     I gazed - as at a stranger ~ 
     The Lady in the Town 
     Doth think no incivility 
     To lift her glass - upon ~ 
        (Emily Dickinson, c.1862; from poem #629) 
    

      


    May the Goddess watch over you and those you love, 

    kerk hiraeth 

     AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

     FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

     LENGTH: 350;

    CHARACTERS(s): Lisa; Dawn Summers;

    'SHIP(s): Dawn/Lisa;

    SUMMARY: Lisa is a semi-fanatical Earper, but the love of her life hates anything fictional about the Supernatural, until she comes up with a way to distract Dawn on the anniversary of her Mom's death. Given the dates; this is therefore set in a couple of months time.

    A/N: Listening to music videos to spark ideas, a song written and performed by Dominique Provost-Chalkley finally lit the touch paper. Lift Your Spirit Up; written for 2019's Seasons of Love, made me think of one partner (Lisa, Dawn's friend from The Body) trying to lift the spirits of her significant other up. The creator's role in Wynonna Earp and my joyful, and sometimes very tearful, reactions to the many reaction videos to the Wayhaught reunion scenes in S4, Ep2; Friends in Low Places, woke my muse from a long slumber (I am convinced she is at the very least bisexual; possibly trans, and also very possibly lesbian).

    I have also no doubt she is obsessed with Wayhaught.

    So this is dedicated to Dominique Provost-Chalkley; Katherine Barrell and Emily Andras, but also very much to all the Earpers; especially Wayhaught fans, who saved their show where Firefly fans failed; not that I would want to change the magic that was the one season we got but I feel so much joy in what they are experiencing right now.

    This is for you ~ and I swear before the Goddess that the song listed was playing when I was finishing this post ( though it did change before I could press post).

     “A show about Demons? Seriously?”

   Her Dawnie's voice was cracking a little; never voiced, today was always a reminder of how much she missed her Mom. Lisa never knew her own; never actually met Dawnie's either, but she felt both losses today more than any other.

   “Because I love it?”

   Dawn glowered; swore under her breath, but gave away her inner glow that betrayed how much she loved her Reflection. Everything one liked the other liked the opposite, and they loved each other all the more for it. They shared as much too, but they loved to find things to surprise and challenge each other.

   At the smirk on her face her Dawnie gave Lisa the finger.

   Lisa grinned; she had her. More than anything else her Dawnie needed distractions today and, in nearly twenty years together she had become a Jedi Master at picking exactly what her Dawnie needed on this anniversary of anniversaries.

   The kids were off with Slayers and their kids; they had the apartment, and bedroom, all to themselves.

   Lisa started the episode she had handpicked for tonight; no point trying to get Dawnie to watch the whole series; that was never going to happen, maybe binge watching fanvids, but not whole episodes.

   Might as well try to get her to watch a movie about Vampire Slayers. Lisa almost snorted her drink at the mere thought of trying that one.

   Of course Dawnie whined the whole time...

   Until Nicole Haught and Waverly Earp were reunited, and never made it to the bedroom.

   Even Lisa, who must have watched this a dozen times, was overcome by the Wayhaught reunion.

   They could almost feel each other's hearts beating faster as they stared, totally oblivious to the rest of the episode.

   They were speechless; their breathing audible, even over the end titles and they glistened with sweat.

   Five minutes after the screen slipped to powersave they had still barely moved.

   Slowly Lisa reached to turn the device off properly.

   “So, “ she hissed, “Bedroom?”

   Dawnie stared at her as if she had gone insane.

   “Wishing we had some stairs?”

   Dawnie managed to croak, “Uh huh... “

   At least they had a floor.

     Goddess watch over us all,

     kerk

   Now in my

   heart I

   see clearly

   a beautiful

   face

   shining back on me,

   stained

   with love

                     - Sappho

   TITLE: Hymn for Those Left Behind

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Doctor Who (2005) S5;

   LENGTH: 350;

   CHARACTER(s): The Doctor (as portrayed by Matt Smith); Amy Pond; Rory Williams (in abstentia);

   'SHIP(s): Amy/Rory;

   SUMMARY: How painful is it to be the only one to remember someone else's true love?

   A/N: This is the original version (in terms of pronouns) of this story; written during a time when I was attempting to write a non-fan's perspective (of the new incarnation) of Season Five as someone who grew up with the original show. That version was written at a time when few of us expected; though several of us hoped, to see a female Doctor one day.

           In re-editing this I had wanted to try and reflect the fact the change in gender, but feedback from a non-binary friend has led me to decide to post this re-edit with those original pronouns.

          I am aware that Amy was a kissagram; the change to strippergram is an attempt to reflect the different decisions she might have made because Rory wasn't a part of her life.

     There's nothing left of him anywhere, but for a cheap ring; though not for a junior nurse on NHS wages.

   He could see him in her eyes.

   She never knew him; never smiled at some ludicrously uncool thing he'd done.

   Had never joked about something said absent-mindedly; as the two of them walked under a tree by a stream, he would have loved.

   Never punched his arm when he was particularly dense over some compliment she'd paid him.

   But he can see him in her eyes.

   He can see him in a momentary loss of concentration; eyes glazed over as she wondered what distracted her from some important thing that seemed to have... lost all importance.

   He could see him in that way she has of seeming to turn; puzzling when someone seemed inexplicably absent from her side. Alone though the two of them were; he would see him in the way she shakes her head; turning back to continue her vibrant exposition of some piece of music; maybe a film...

   … or complaint about some lousy disappointment of a boyfriend she had gone out with.

   “I just wish, “ she would add; gently twisting a knife she was unaware of, “I'd met someone who mattered; someone who actually gave a damn. Most of them think; because I take my clothes off for a living, that I'm only worth a one night stand.”

   Then she would sigh with resignation and, grinning, give him a gentle peck on the cheek; acceptance that The Doctor would always see her as 'their wee Amelia' – and he knew she was wishing he would see himself as so much more than her saviour from a disappointing existence.

   But he could still see him in the turn of her lips; could recall him making some desperately unfunny joke that, nevertheless, had made Amy shake her head and smile.

   “But you'll do, “ she'd tell him; with that cheek of a smirk on her face. “Gotta keep looking for that special numpty, huh?”

   And his hearts would break just that little bit more that he thought was still possible.

    kerk hiraeth

     A/N: The title, and indeed this fic, were inspired by the use of this song; Hymn for Those Left Behind by Shannon Moore http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcllKUL6YRg in the LGBT movie, Latter Days http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0345551/ from 2003. The director of that movie wanted his 18-year old Mormon missionary self to meet his middle-aged out and proud self; wondering how that would go; indeed a key moment in the film has a Mormon hymn, Abide With Me, performed in the background.

    AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

    FANDOM: Babylon 5 (post-series);

    LENGTH: 200;

    CHARACTER(s): Susan Ivanova; OC (Karen Karen); Michael Garibaldi (mention of);

    SHIP(s): Ivanova/OC; Talia Winters/Susan Ivanova (by implication from canon);

    SUMMARY: You never forget your first true love.

    A/N: The fic posted here is the final version of one I have been working on, in one way or another for something like seven years; about the time I finally watched all the episodes of Babylon 5.

            The first versions were all about a drabble's length, but not one really worked. A character kept on creeping in and spoiling them. Once I listened to that insistence she be a part of this story I eventually reached the first version close to what you see here. From there it still took a seemingly interminable amount of months, to figure out what was wrong with the ending (see the end notes for how that resolved itself).

           After that my mental health problems almost finished any prospect of me writing again.

          However, now she is finally ready to fly.

      No sooner had Fleet Capt. Susan Andreievna Ivanova sat down to her long delayed breakfast than the message arrived.

   Lt. Cmdr Karen Karen gently pressed her; as she was wont to say, ass back down; then kissed her lover with uncharacteristic forcefulness. Smiling at Ivanova's; equally uncharacteristic, confusion she explained, “I wanted to make sure you came back, “ pressing; as she did so, a folded piece of paper into her superior's palm.

   Standing, Ivanova's exec added; with an almost Russian air of fatalism, “Our assigned patrols are completed; course is set. We can have you at Earth-Mars in nine days... assuming you don't want to stop over at your old command.”

   Turning from studying Karen's departing... back; she was Captain of this vessel when Ivanova's rank took her off-ship, she pointedly studied the commissary.

   Said commissary; full of crew frozen amidst meal and conversation, interrupted by the unusually public affection between the two senior officers aboard ship, suddenly became animated with noisy banging; chatter and remembered elsewheres to be.

   Satisfied, Ivanova read the message; dated almost a month previous. Michael Garibaldi's communication explained her... Karen's sudden, and unprofessional, lack of decorum.

   Bei mir bistu schein

   He had found Talia.

   kerk hiraeth

    Went looking for russian nomenclature as I was misremembering Ivanova as having a fuller name, which led me here http://faculty.virginia.edu/herman/tolstoy/namingconventions.htm and since her father was named Andrei and -evna scans better that gave me her patronymic.

    Her exec/partner/lover's name is an anglicised, and here I had to cut the references to Fed Standard English version of what her name would be in actuality. Her first name is common enough across several cultures; but her last name would be Kayin, in reference to her ancestry from the south-east of what we call Burna, or Myanmar (both are correct; Myanmar being apparently a more formal version of Burma; not the replacement).

    The title ( yiddish; Ikh gefunen ir / english; I have found her) yiddish in hebrew script; איך געפונען איר ); which made up the gist of the original ending, eventually got replaced by the title of the original yiddish version of a song I knew principally from versions by The Andrews Sisters which, along with several other versions, would just not let me go.

    If you're unfamiliar with Babylon 5; these links will give you a feeling for the characters mentioned; except for my original character of course. I already have ideas for further scenes/stories in my head, but I do feel the need to get a little deeper into her possible cultural history

https://babylon5.fandom.com/wiki/Susan_Ivanova 

https://babylon5.fandom.com/wiki/Talia_Winters 

https://babylon5.fandom.com/wiki/Michael_Garibaldi 

TITLE: Love is patient; Love is kind

AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

FANDOM: Degrassi Next Class (post-series);

LENGTH: 400;

RATING: G;

CHARACTER(s) Rasha Zuabi; Zoë Rivas;

'SHIP(s): Zoë Rivas/Rasha Zuabi;

SUMMARY: Where do you find the words that can explain to your still conservatively liberal Muslim mother that the woman their daughter will marry is the right one for their child, and are they really okay with who you are now?

A/N: Inspired by Mary Lambert's beautiful song, 'She Keeps Me Warm', this is set several years in our future; Next Class sadly seeming likely to have concluded the Degrassi saga for the foreseeable future; due to Netflix' corporate callousness, with S4.

This is told entirely from Rasha's pov; intention being to write a contiguous story from Zoë's pov. Rasha arrived at Degrassi as a refugee from the conflict(s) in Syria at the start of S3; whilst Zoë arrived there at the start of Degrassi: Next Generation's S12 (TNG had far longer seasons which covered similar periods of time; as far as I can tell, as two of NC's ten episode seasons).

Zoë came out as lesbian in the S2 finale of NC; though was still in the process, publically, when Rasha arrives at Degrassi. She is raised Catholic by a very homophobic mother; whereas Rasha is Muslim and had been outed while still living in Aleppo (it was never made clear if this was a primary reason for her family escaping from the rule of ISIS (the term used on the show), though it is stated that it was only when they took over that she was forced to wear the hijab. She does not come out to the daughter of her hosts until the finale of S3; by which time she is in a relationship with Zoë, though it is implied they have yet to become sexual at that point.

First chance she could get Rasha was on a flight to Beirut; as close to home as she was likely ever to get again. It was hard now to recapture when Aleppo was home.

Home was Vancouver and, Zoë.

She understood why the daughter needed to tell her mother in person and Rasha knew Zoë would wait for as long as it took to get married; so that Rasha could have her family; those who accepted her, beside her at the ceremonies.

It broke Rasha's heart that Zoë would never have that.

Rasha could almost feel her mother's arms; never thought at one time she would feel that childhood warmth and safety again. She could see them; held aloft, only a couple of security checks away; wanted to fly to them.

Handing her papers and brand new Canadian passport to her Zoe hadn't even asked Why.

Of all people Zoë had understood the why and the need.

Time was; with all her past celebrity and notoriety, that Zoë might have paid for this trip. Now Rasha was breadwinner; she didn't want to contemplate that her love might never have come out.

She whispered Allah's blessings on the family who had hosted her when she got to Canada for their generosity in paying for these flights. She knew her mother would understand the love and strength that she and Zoë had gained from each other, and their friends; understand too that they were married in all but name, but only until she was by her daughter's side.

And she knew her mother would love and accept her new daughter; accepting her as her own had rejected her.

She just needed to see it in her mother's eyes; feel the enveloping acceptance of those arms she had thought lost to her.

Then she saw the smile; achingly close to tears, could repeat in unison with her mother the thanks to Allah they were both safe.

Seeing her mother so achingly close; softly saying the prayer together, gave Rasha the words she needed that said everything her mother needed to hear from her; all she'd need Rasha now knew.

She'd felt them when Zoë had simply held her as Rasha asked to be her wife.

On the same steps where she first saw her love she had spoken them; misunderstanding a never spoken question.

They could not be perfected.

“She keeps me warm.”

~

'She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert'

a) This is from one piece about the song ~ The song, which is based on Lambert's own personal experience of growing up as a lesbian and trying to reconcile her life as a homosexual with her Christian faith, basically talks about the struggles of homosexuals.

https://www.songmeaningsandfacts.com/meaning-song-keeps-warm-mary-lambert/

b) The most relevant lyrics to this story are the opening lines of the first verse and the chorus ~

She says I smell like safety and home

I named both of her eyes forever and please don't go

Ch: And I can't change, even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

And I can't change, even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

My love, my love, my love

She keeps me warm, she keep me warm

and c) The lyrics over the end of the song inspired the story as a whole; particularly Rasha finding in them the words she needs for both her wife-to-be, and her mother whom she last saw when they were separated escaping Syria. ~

I'm not crying on Sundays, (Love is patient, love is kind)

I'm not crying on Sundays, (Love is patient, love is kind)

I'm not crying on Sundays, (Love is patient, love is kind)

No, (Love is patient, love is kind)

(Love is patient, love is kind)

(Love is patient, love is kind)

(Love is patient, love is kind)

(Love is patient, love is kind)

My love, my love, my love, my love

She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm

https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107859467274/

 

kerk hiraeth

   TITLE: Que Sera, Sera aka. Doris' Day

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (au for canon from Welcome to the Hellmouth / The Harvest)

   LENGTH: 500

   CHARACTERS: Xander; Jesse & two (count'em, two) Willow's;

   SHIP: Xander/Jesse;

   A/N: Very soon after I posted my first story in twenty-one months, I began to get images that confused me, until I also began to wonder what might have come to pass if someone other than Jesse had been taken by Darla during the pilot episode(s).

           This was the result. As always getting the story to fit the parametres was the most fascinating of exercises. I cannot express how much I have missed that.

          Also this www.youtube.com/watch is the tune that is referenced.

       He woke, as he always did, with the dawn; not troubling too much with the getting dressed. He'd be back in bed before very long anyway.

    A tiny noise had him looking down as a tiny body; stirring at the sudden absence of warmth, snuggled tighter to the rising chest on the other side. Lifting the baby; pausing on the way only to turn the heating on in the room that would become hers, he carried her down to the kitchen.

   Carefully he laid her on the changing mat, he got the makings of their breakfasts together and started before he began the messier business of changing diapers and making sure she was fed.

   Ready for the next poop.

   Pulling out a draw under the table; everything he needed already laid out, a smile made him feel warm in the knowledge that someone knew him so well.

   Dark memories of his own family intruded, but a discontented noise brought him safely back to the present.

   By the time he heard the shower running diapers were changed; baby fed, and breakfast ready. Just time to get the coffee ready before arms wrapped themselves around him and a kiss was planted on his neck.

   Silently then they watched as their little girl; never to know her Slayer mother, shifted contentedly; already in the carrier, ready for the creche.

   As he watched Jesse eating his breakfast Xander pondered on the gawky teenager he'd known at Sunnydale High who'd somehow become an award - okay he'd been runner up, but that school had never won anything - teacher.

   Helping Jesse secure the straps, Xander impulsively took the tiny hand grasping Jesse's thumb and kissed them both.

   Jesse touched noses with his husband; whispering, as he'd done so many times before, “Do you ever wonder where we'd be if that vamp hadn't taken Willow?”

   It was rhetorical, saving Xander from lying. 

   He'd thought about it too many times; if Jesse had been taken; what he'd be if it had been him.

   Watching Jesse, singing that same tune he sang to this Willow every morning, as he set off on his half hour trek to school, he thought of it once more but, as he shut the door behind him, he began to go through all he had to do before he met Jesse later and they went over to Chez Summers for his small birthday bash.

   'Forty!'

   Laughing at himself, he stole a cookie, and walked upstairs. 'How the hell did I get to be forty!'

   Thoughts of their school pal; best of the Three Caballeros, they both agreed, to the fore; he wondered what high powered career she'd be over achieving at if he hadn't been forced to kill the monster she had become.

   Shaking his head vigorously he settled into Jesse's side, of course, of the bed and fell asleep; that tune playing in his head, contented and grateful, even with a couple of dozen teenage hormone bombs he was supposedly responsible for, at how his life had turned out.

   The future's not ours to see, 
   kerk hiraeth