kerk_hiraeth: Me and Unidoggy Edinburgh Pride 2015 (Trans Pride)

Hiraeth (pronounced [hiraɪ̯θ])

Welsh meaning 'nostalgia', or, more commonly, 'homesickness'

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Created on 2018-06-18 10:15:16 (#3399176), last updated 2018-12-25 (17 weeks ago)

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Well let's see...
I am now in my fifty-seventh year; refer to, and think of myself, as Queer ~ always with the uppercase Q. I wish; more now than at any time, even when I was in my late teens and early twenties, that I was a woman.
I have a string faith in the Goddess; this does not exclude the existence of, or spiritually attraction to, other beings and/or faiths, but a strong dislike of organised religion ~ including secular ones, including atheism.
Even given the major mistakes of the last decade, or so, I am still; though no longer a member, a convinced Liberal Democrat (if I was living in Northern Ireland I would still be that, but would be involved with the APNI ~ Alliance Party of Northern Ireland).
I hate Brexit with a fiery vengeance, and hate even more what it has revealed about the land of my birth, though all the signs have been there for a very long time. I voted against independence for Scotland; which I now very much regret, though more because I believe the countries of this island would be far better off together AND part of a European Union that, despite it's flaws is very much the future and not a part of a disastrously destructive; racist and imperialist past.
I have serious long-term, and ongoing, mental health issues as well as, what appear to me to be, perceptual (my word) issues that may, or not, be connected to asperger's and/or the autism spectrum. After too long left to my own devices, I am finally getting better support.
I miss my cats so very much, but my situation is such that I can't see; with the age of the cats; Yasha, Ebony and Ryouh, see the time when they will be back with me. This is not something that is easily resolved in my head. I want them back so much I break into tears; sobs occasionally, but I have to accept that I am not well, and that if cats are to be part of my life again it may well involve my adopting other cats.
They are safe; loved and cared for where they are, and bringing them back when I cannot be confident of my own state of mind feels like pure selfishness.
I write fanfiction; though I have read very little new for a very long time now, which makes me feel guilty when I start to whine; mostly in my own head, at no comments. I am in the process of building a presence on Ao3, though this is proving shockingly traumatic. My muse though? She has returned and is talking volubly to me; this and the process of paring down stories to an exact length are making me wonder how I survived without her for so long ~ February 2017 to November 2018 was a worryingly long time; though not as desperate as the prospect of my first 'dry' calendar year for something like twelve years.
Mostly I write for BtVS, but I have written for AtS; NCIS; Doctor Who; Torchwood; Jessica Jones; Firefly; Star Trek (more than one version) and hope to start on Degrassi - if I can find people who will read them.
My favourite charaters to write are Tara/Faith; Dawn/Lisa (from The Body), as well as Satsu (from the Buffy comics, though I hated them. I have also taken a liking to Kennedy (but only as portrayed in fanfiction); I also seem to really like the Ponds (Amy & Rory) from the new Doctor Who.
I've also written a lot of Spike & Xander, though that is more because they seem to interest me, rather than that they are favourites to write; that also goes for Willow. If I do write for Degrassi my faves from the show are Zoe/Rasha & Becky/Adam. I think I would also like to write others but haven't far enough back to say for sure.
I am trying to come up with an alternate origin for the Star Trek universe where Kirk is only first officer; this would affect later shows; especially the greatest of the Treks; though strangely enough possibly the most flawed, Deep Space Nine. I have finally come to understand why I have not gotten on with subsequent Treks, including the most diverse and inclusive one of all, Discovery (DSC please, not the *urgh* DISCO. One thing Disco had and these Treks, with an increasing decline, do not is a sense of self-deprecating humour. To my eyes and ears Discovery has none at all, though I will be buying the DVDs now they are out (when my horrendously diminishe funds allow of course).
I have people in my life who I owe so much too, but they know who they are, and I will doubtless mention them in posts.
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