Fics for 2018 # 002 ~ Que Sera, Sera aka. Doris' Day

[kerk_hiraeth]

 

   TITLE: Que Sera, Sera aka. Doris' Day

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (au for canon from Welcome to the Hellmouth / The Harvest)

   LENGTH: 500

   CHARACTERS: Xander; Jesse & two (count'em, two) Willow's;

   SHIP: Xander/Jesse;

   A/N: Very soon after I posted my first story in twenty-one months, I began to get images that confused me, until I also began to wonder what might have come to pass if someone other than Jesse had been taken by Darla during the pilot episode(s).

           This was the result. As always getting the story to fit the parametres was the most fascinating of exercises. I cannot express how much I have missed that.

          Also this www.youtube.com/watch is the tune that is referenced.

 

       He woke, as he always did, with the dawn; not troubling too much with the getting dressed. He'd be back in bed before very long anyway.

    A tiny noise had him looking down as a tiny body; stirring at the sudden absence of warmth, snuggled tighter to the rising chest on the other side. Lifting the baby; pausing on the way only to turn the heating on in the room that would become hers, he carried her down to the kitchen.

   Carefully he laid her on the changing mat, he got the makings of their breakfasts together and started before he began the messier business of changing diapers and making sure she was fed.

   Ready for the next poop.

   Pulling out a draw under the table; everything he needed already laid out, a smile made him feel warm in the knowledge that someone knew him so well.

   Dark memories of his own family intruded, but a discontented noise brought him safely back to the present.

   By the time he heard the shower running diapers were changed; baby fed, and breakfast ready. Just time to get the coffee ready before arms wrapped themselves around him and a kiss was planted on his neck.

   Silently then they watched as their little girl; never to know her Slayer mother, shifted contentedly; already in the carrier, ready for the creche.

   As he watched Jesse eating his breakfast Xander pondered on the gawky teenager he'd known at Sunnydale High who'd somehow become an award - okay he'd been runner up, but that school had never won anything - teacher.

   Helping Jesse secure the straps, Xander impulsively took the tiny hand grasping Jesse's thumb and kissed them both.

   Jesse touched noses with his husband; whispering, as he'd done so many times before, “Do you ever wonder where we'd be if that vamp hadn't taken Willow?”

   It was rhetorical, saving Xander from lying. 

   He'd thought about it too many times; if Jesse had been taken; what he'd be if it had been him.

   Watching Jesse, singing that same tune he sang to this Willow every morning, as he set off on his half hour trek to school, he thought of it once more but, as he shut the door behind him, he began to go through all he had to do before he met Jesse later and they went over to Chez Summers for his small birthday bash.

   'Forty!'

   Laughing at himself, he stole a cookie, and walked upstairs. 'How the hell did I get to be forty!'

   Thoughts of their school pal; best of the Three Caballeros, they both agreed, to the fore; he wondered what high powered career she'd be over achieving at if he hadn't been forced to kill the monster she had become.

   Shaking his head vigorously he settled into Jesse's side, of course, of the bed and fell asleep; that tune playing in his head, contented and grateful, even with a couple of dozen teenage hormone bombs he was supposedly responsible for, at how his life had turned out.

 

    

   The future's not ours to see, 
   kerk hiraeth 

 

Comments

[elisi]

Oh! Oh oh oh.

Now that's the most wonderful (yet sad) AU I have read in... forever. ♥

Beautifully done. I can see why it wouldn't let you be.

[kerk_hiraeth]

Thank you; though I was hoping for melancholic and bittersweet.

AS I said above; going from 536 to 621 and finally to the desired 500;with several stops in between was the best; most fascinating and invigorating of processes.

O! How I have missed thee...

(also spotted a typo (repeated phrase, three words removed and replaced);now corrected.

[elisi]

It's like magic? I don't know any feeling like it.

[yourlibrarian]

Ouch! Such a different future arc indeed.

[kerk_hiraeth]

Hope that means you like.

Do like you icon btw; looking at it is making wonder how different Buffy's life would've been without Willow's influence.

As if I didn't have enough 'verses to keep straight in my head ;-)

kerk

[yourlibrarian]

Indeed!

Yes, that was partly my thought in choosing to comment with it :) I think it was important that Buffy not only had another woman to bond with in her work (otherwise being surrounded by men) but she also came to depend not only on Willow's magic skills as time went on but her intelligence and research (particularly after Giles' departure). Plus without Willow there would have been neither an Oz nor a Tara in their group which would have also made for a weaker team.

At the same time I wonder if Xander's heroism would have been the same. He was devoted to Buffy but it was clear that his first commitment was to Willow, even aside from the yellow crayon moment. But certainly the dynamics of their trio would have been very different. And now with his second Willow, those priorities would be even more directed away from Buffy's.

[kerk_hiraeth]

That would make for some challenging writing indeed bringing them all together.

Would Buffy's need for a female friend bring Cordelia closer to the group; how would it affect the relationship with Angel?

Intriguing.

kerk

[yourlibrarian]

Yes, all sorts of possibilities!

My guess is no. It took more than a season before Cordelia was at all integrated with the Scoobies, and this was because she and Xander became involved (which I'm presuming didn't happen in your verse). Buffy and Cordelia were very competitive but I don't think that things would have differed with Angel in those seasons. Even after he and Buffy were finished it took a season before he and Cordelia started drawing together. (It might have happened sooner on her side but I think it was when she became Vision Girl that she truly committed to her heroic role.)

Now would Buffy have bonded more closely with Faith? I could see that. As jealous as Willow became it gave Buffy someone to return to when things started going south with Faith. If Willow weren't there, perhaps Buffy would have gone closer into her orbit, especially because Cordelia wouldn't have been the same haven that Willow could be.

But who knows -- I'm thinking things could be written convincingly to account for a number of changes.

[kerk_hiraeth]

Might be the perfect excuse to rewatch the early seasons; trying to cogitate on the possible repercussions of Willow not being there; also where and when Xander and Jesse might have realised they had feelings for each other.

And there's the added interest of Kendra to consider.

Elisi is being my hero and helping me set up on A03 (she's been trying to get me on there for a very long time). Going to put the two new stories (my first since February of last year) on there first, while I go through all my earlier stories and correct mistakes etc.

While this is going on the plan is to make sure all the stories are in their proper 'verses.

I'm enjoying this discussion :-)

kerk

[yourlibrarian]

Elisi definitely deserves hero points! That's good news as it seems inevitable that more people will come across them there. I write almost exclusively meta, which at this point is largely for old shows (or seasons), and even so somehow people find them and read them from time to time. The few drabbles I've written are more popular so I can imagine that there will be some new readers.

And yes, the series option at AO3 makes it possible to link together stories in the same verses (as well as for people to subscribe to them).

Kendra is interesting to ponder, especially if one considers that she, like Willow, was much more of a rule-follower and deferred to Giles. But perhaps without Willow Buffy would have felt more challenged by that?

In fact, especially given the first few seasons, it's particularly interesting to consider what a difference it would make to Giles were she gone. He had next to no relationship with Xander and probably wouldn't have with Jesse either. (It's a bit difficult to know as we barely got to know him as a human before he became a demon). But Willow was someone on whom he depended -- and in later years someone who he stood in opposition to as well as helped rehabilitate.

However without Willow perhaps Giles would have spent more time with and more effort on Xander.

And yes, one of the wonderful things about Dreamwidth is the possibility for such convos :)

[sparrow2000]

What a fascinating 'What If'. It's not often you come across something new in a fandom this old, but this is a scenario I've never encountered before. Really well done!

[kerk_hiraeth]

Thank you.

I think Jesse is someone the fans and the show forget about because he was there so briefly; he's appeared in a couple of my stories before, but not in this way.

kerk

[lusciousxander]

I really enjoyed reading this bittersweet piece! It made me think of a world without Willow. Such a sad, sad world. Buffy relied on Willow a lot, even before she gained her witchy powers. Willow was her confidant, the shoulder Buffy needed to cry on, her loyal best friend.

And Xander... my poor Xander, without Willow, he'll be broken. She always came first even though he had a crush on Buffy. "If Willow's dead, I'll kill you."

[kerk_hiraeth]

As with yourlibrarian's comments above this is giving me thinky thoughts about just how different, and yet similar the world would have turned out if Willow had been the one to die - very Quantum Leap, in fact.

It's also just striking me that I seem to have done something different with Xander; though he's a character I've never really written before. He's been in stories; been written around, but never quite been the focus in this way.

Scary, but I didn't when I wrote it; got the images, brain started wondering what if Jesse had lived; not Willow died - at first - and then the two came together and had a literary baby.

Nice to have the Xander fans come by and say nice things too :-)

here from buffyversetop5

[thenewbuzwuzz]

Ooh, that IS an interesting AU! :)

I like this line because yes, that's exactly what she'd be doing: "he wondered what high powered career she'd be over-achieving at"

Re: here from buffyversetop5

[kerk_hiraeth]

Thank you!

What a surprise! Had a really scary bad place sort of time lately so a comment; any comment could not have come at a better time. Wrote a sequel/prequel set in the alternate S1 of this 'verse with Nancy from The Wish; cameos by Giles & Cordelia, but mostly Nancy & Buffy.

Thank you so much.
kerk

*called Ophelia, She Is Not (forgot that bit) Wow! goes away happy skipping.