Hiraeth (pronounced [hiraɪ̯θ])

   TITLE: Hymn for Those Left Behind

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Doctor Who (2005) S5;

   LENGTH: 350;

   CHARACTER(s): The Doctor (as portrayed by Matt Smith); Amy Pond; Rory Williams (in abstentia);

   'SHIP(s): Amy/Rory;

   SUMMARY: How painful is it to be the only one to remember someone else's true love?

   A/N: The original version of this story was written during a time when I was attempting to write a non-fan's perspective (of the new incarnation) of Season Five as someone who grew up with the original show. That version was written at a time when few of us expected; though several of us hoped, to see a female Doctor one day.

           In re-editing this I wanted to try and reflect the fact that hope had finally come to fruition; thus a change has been attempted from he/him to they/them and not just to she/her. I hope that I've managed this effectively, though I've yet to decide whether to continue this when I try to write my own version of a female Doctor.

         Back when Sylvester McCoy was playing The Doctor I began mulling over the idea of writing an alternative to The Doctor; that idea was re-awakened, with the image that my Doctor was going to be played (at least in my head) by a woman. That thought had actually began before even the TV movie came about, but was added to when River Song was, in one episode of Season Six a young black woman. Thus when I do write those stories the image I have in my head will be of Nina Sosanya; not Jodie Whittaker.

        Also, before someone makes the comment, I am aware that Amy was a kissagram; the change to strippergram is an attempt to reflect the different decisions she might have made because Rory wasn't a part of her life.

     There's nothing left of him anywhere, but for a cheap ring; though not for a junior nurse on NHS wages.

   They could see him in her eyes.

   She never knew him; never smiled at some ludicrously uncool thing he'd done.

   Had never joked about something said absent-mindedly; as the two of them walked under a tree by a stream, he would have loved.

   Never punched his arm when he was particularly dense over some compliment she'd paid him.

   But they can see him in her eyes.

   They can see him in a momentary loss of concentration; eyes glazed over as she wondered what distracted her from some important thing that seemed to have... lost all importance.

   They could see him in that way she has of seeming to turn; puzzling when someone seemed inexplicably absent from her side. Alone though the two of them were; they would see him in the way she shakes her head; turning back to continue her vibrant exposition of some piece of music; maybe a film...

   … or complaint about some lousy disappointment of a boyfriend she had gone out with.

   “I just wish, “ she would add; gently twisting a knife she was unaware of, “I'd met someone who mattered; someone who actually gave a damn. Most of them think; because I take my clothes off for a living, that I'm only worth a one night stand.”

   Then she would sigh with resignation and, grinning, give them a gentle peck on the cheek; acceptance that The Doctor would always see her as 'their wee Amelia' – and they knew she was wishing they would see themself as so much more than her saviour from a disappointing existence.

   But they could still see him in the turn of her lips; could recall him making some desperately unfunny joke that, nevertheless, had made Amy shake her head and smile.

   “But you'll do, “ she'd tell him; with that cheek of a smirk on her face. “Gotta keep looking for that special numpty, huh?”

   And their hearts would break just that little bit more that they thought was still possible.

    kerk hiraeth

    A/N: The title, and indeed this fic, were inspired by the use of this song; Hymn for Those Left Behind by Shannon Moore http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcllKUL6YRg in the LGBT movie, Latter Days http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0345551/ from 2003. The director of that movie wanted his 18-year old Mormon missionary self to meet his middle-aged out and proud self; wondering how that would go; indeed a key moment in the film has a Mormon hymn, Abide With Me, performed in the background. 
            The picture is the inspiration for what my Doctor will be as played by Nina Sosanya.