Hiraeth (pronounced [hiraɪ̯θ])

   TITLE: Kashmir ~ IV. Hurried Conversations Between Artistic Folks

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Nevertheless (Soljiwan);

   CHARACTER(s): Part Four ~ Seo Ji-wan, Yu Na-bi, Yun Sol, Kendra Lửa rồng (OC), Oh Bit-na;

   'SHIP(s): Yun Sol/Seo Ji-wan (Soljiwan), Yu Na-bi/Kendra Lửa rồng (OC) (NabiKen);

   LENGTH: 2,248;

   RATING: 15;

   SUMMARY: It is still the afternoon before the opening of Yun Sol's exhibition; taking place almost immediately after the previous chapter. Immediate euphoria over, after the delight of seeing their friend Yu Na-bi again, Seo Ji-wan & Yun Sol (mostly Ji-wan) are casting an eye over the person who seems to have transformed their beloved cupid, Na-bi.

   A/N: Took the laptop outside into some very cold weather, left the pencil behind, of course, which slowed it down some and I've had to take some very long sleeps; needed to anyway. My brain is still struggling to accept the amount of writing I've done for this, a which began with a simple idea of Sol & Ji-wan meeting Na-bi in; as it turned out, New York ~ no Bit-na; no Oc's, just them inviting her to attend the opening of Sol's first exhibition. 

           Have had some issues with the formatting with this one; not sure if I've fixed them, but will see when I post. 

           Now there are at least threads leading out from that, all interconnected. I love writing, even with the pains of not knowing if people are reading much of the time ~ I still love it. I thank the Goddess for Yun Sol & Seo Ji-wan, Yu Na-bi and Oh Bit-na; even coffee guy & Mr. Clueless, and I thank Her for helping me see Kendra and the other Ocs, and helping me to hear their voices.

      “Ilju-il..?!”

  Na-bi visibly blushed; radiating a desperate need for Ji-wan; just once, please to be quiet. She looked away; around the coffee bad, anywhere but directly at her.

  Ji-wan slyly winked at Sol, who kept; even for her, a stoic expression on her face, but she could see the creases at the corners of Sol's eyes deepen; filed away a note to kiss them later.

  It also had the blessing of disguising her fight to stop herself from giggling from Na-bi.

  She did keep half an eye on this new person in Na-bi's life; noting how they could not keep their eyes off her friend; how they touched Na-bi's hand, or reached out for it.

  She glanced at Sol again; saw the identical look on her face, she knew was on her own. They smiled, in unison; whispered to herself, “Blessed am I amongst women.” She could see the feint change in her expression and knew Yun Sol could tell what she was doing.

  She followed Sol in glancing at Kendra; could see those self-same looks passing between them and their friend. They both knew there was no point in expressing any doubts; Yu Na-bi was set on her path and a cloned army of their collective Mothers would be like paper trying to stop a forest fire.

  They did glance between Sol and herself occasionally; knew how intently they were being studied, but did not seem to be very much concerned with what they thought of them. It was obvious to Ji-wan; Sol too that Ken had fallen as fast and irrevocably for Na-bi, as she for them.

  They were pierced with the same arrow; bound for good or ill to the whims of the gods.

  They loved without reservation; that same look was in Yun Sol's eyes almost every moment they were conscious. After two years she had come to understand it had been on her lover's face since almost the day they had met.

  “She was looking at you the way your aba looked at me when he spoke to my parents about marrying me.We knew there was no stopping it, especially the way she made you so happy; so committed too. People always assume you never take life seriously but, where Yun Sol was concerned you could become an unquenchable flame.”

  Ji-wan kept her mother's words in her mind always; wrote them into the bible her father had presented her with the only trip she made home alone before they both left home; knew was loved without reservation by her parents; Yun Sol's parents, and could never understand how she could ever have doubted Sol.

  That same look was in Kendra's eyes for Na-bi.

  Whatever else they felt the need to find out, seeing that look was enough for Ji-wan to trust her... no them...

  Sol quickly grasped her hand; pulling her back from the table as the tray laden with tea, one coffee and some exquisite looking, and Korean, pastries was placed carefully on the table. As Sol spoke, she leaned to her right and whispered in Na-bi's ear.

  “Bit-na has had a bad influence on you, “ delighting in seeing Na-bi's flustered confusion, as if she was a teenager again. It looked cute on her; Ji-wan grinned in self-deprecating self-awareness.

  It was so wonderful to see something of the Na-bi people had told them about; the woman she had been before Art School and so many disappointments in love had begun to grind her down.

  She had often found herself; cuddling with Sol, recalling the times Na-bi had listened patiently as she chattered away about Sol. They would share jokes about how they must have seemed to her.

  They both knew how much they owed her for doing her best to make sure; even while she was shattering, the two of them did not lose what both so clearly wanted.

  What she had seemed to have given up on the last time the three of them had spoken on the telephone; that was the day they arrived in Yorkshire from Spain. They had meant to be going to London, but she had so desperately wanted to see the moors so Yun Sol had made arrangements for the interviews she was supposed to be doing to happen up there. 

 

  And Sol had thanked her; they had had a wonderful day in the company of a former railway worker who had married a Korean woman back in the war. He was delighted too, so speak the language again, as their children had not kept it up. 

  They had talked about marriage and children, but both had; after several discussions, realized they would want to get married at home; wanted to wait for children until they could do so. She was still thinking about adoption though. 

  If they ever did get married, they both knew who was going to be the first one they told; even their families, and Bit-na, would take second place on that.

  Taking a cup of tea, which tasted surprisingly good, and a bite from a pastry Sol was holding up for her, they blushed as they realised the barista was smiling at the way they were gazing into each other's eyes.

  “Good?”

  Seo Ji-wan, mouth full of delicious; silently resolving to thank the manager at the gallery who had recommended this place, just nodded.

  The barista handed Sol something, before asking, “How long?”

  Sol looked quizzically at the card; then back up at the barista. She must have sensed the attention Ji-wan was suddenly paying her, because she smiled at Ji-wan and revealed a pin, covered by her collar, “Baby dyke,” she winked at Seo Ji-wan, which made her involuntarily giggle.

  After a couple of seconds she glanced at Sol; well gazed into her eyes really before tenderly reaching out her hand, "Dos años.” 





  The barista nodded in appreciation, while Sol looked at her in momentary surprise; then held her hand tight, before kissing it and adding, “We have been together since we were...”

“Yeongwonhi,” a voice from the other side of the table said softly.

Ji-wan; Sol and the barista all turned to see Yu Na-bi raising her coffee in a toast; holding Kendra's hands in her free one; they had a strange smile on their face. Then they said to the barista, in a faraway tone; almost as if they were trying to recall a time when they had not known Na-bi, “She's saying they've been together forever.”

Smiling, the girl gestured at the table as she said, “I hope I am as lucky as you one day... those are on me.” 

  The barista nodded in appreciation, while Sol looked at her in momentary surprisel then held her hand tight, before kissing it and adding, “We have been together since we were...”

  “Yeongwonhi,” a voice from the other side of the table said softly.

  Ji-wan; Sol and barista all turned to see Yu Na-bi raising her coffee in a toast; holding Kendra's hands in her free one.

  They had a strange smile on their face, then they said to the barista, in a faraway tone; almost as if they were trying to recall a time when they had not known Na-bi, “She's saying they've been together forever.”

  Smiling, the girl gestured at the table as she said, “I hope I am lucky as you one day... 

   those are on me.” 

  Yun Sol made to get up and protest the generosity, but before anyone noticed Kendra's hand was on her arm; head shaking. Seo Ji-wan saw them for the first time in that moment; knew that they knew exactly how much the gesture meant from a girl working a job like this.

  Ji-wan could feel Sol's eyes on her; knew too the instant Sol turned her head to study the interaction between Na-bi and this tall, incredibly handsome person that had captured Na-bi so completely.

  But then, as Sol had whispered to her before they had come back inside the coffee bar, Kendra was as completely captured; the two of them constantly touching each other; almost as if neither could quite believe the other was real.

  Ji-wan had come to realise; once they had become a couple that she had always done that with Sol; even when they were still in middle school. Sol was watching her; that same strange smile her face Kendra had shown, when Ji-wan turned her head back to look at her.

  She felt a bit teary, though she was smiling; wondered how Sol had endured all those years of yearning; needing; seeking out even the slightest of contact with her.

  So afraid that what she had always wanted was not real; would never be real and true.

  In that moment, she wanted to take Sol back to the apartment they had been given the keys too by a sponsor of the museum that owned the gallery. She wanted to make love to Sol until neither could endure it any longer.

  She felt her face flush; felt it necessary to hide behind her cup of tea, and turn her face away.

  A hand on her shoulder; a familiar chin, and a finger slowly stroking her cheek.

  Ji-wan moved her free hand and held Sol's; gripping it without looking her, as the two of them watched the new lovers together, silently stroking each other's hands as they remembered those first few days as a couple; basking in the acceptance of their friends; especially the delight of Bit-na, and Na-bi's happiness at their happiness.

  “Since I first saw them, ” Na-bi was speaking; Ji-wan had to return to the present and ask them to repeat what they were saying.

  Sol whispered in Ji-wan's ear that she had just asked Kendra how long since they had first met.

  Na-bi had started explaining about seeing the performance ~

  “Five days, sixteen hours and seven minutes, ” Kendra repeated with a very subtle sort of smile; of the kind that Sol told her she loved to see on Jiwan's face when Sol had complimented her.

  “I think I was the one who said that, ” Na-bi laughed, which made her glance at Sol, who looked as surprised as she felt, to hear Na-bi laughing so freely.

  They both cared deeply about Na-bi; both of them felt they owed her so much.

  Then they turned as Na-bi spoke directly to them. It was all so sudden; unexpected and overwhelming. She reached over and took a hand of each in her own.

  “I know what you are both thinking... because we have both been thinking; worrying about the same thing. Whether it will last; whether it can last but, how can... ”

  Na-bi got that old wistful smile on her face, as Kendra began stroking her hands, as if she was calming her. Bit-na was the only one beside them that knew she had to deal with depression on occasion; Seo Ji-wan had only found out after they had become a couple, and then only because Na-bi told Yun Sol she should not be keeping secrets.

  ''But it's your secret?”

  Na-bi had hugged her, and told her, “And now it needs to be shared with Seo Ji-wan, dangxineun jigeum mioc gazi.”

  Ji-wan was conscious that she was stroking Sol's with a finger, almost as if she was calming her; became suddenly aware of the gesture and recalling how many times she had done it over the years.

  Turning she was also suddenly conscious of what Sol must have been through all the times when she been blithely going on blind dates and talking about boys she had no intention of seeing again.

  Sol had that strange smile on her face again.

  Then she looked over at Na-bi; aware that she was watching them, as if fully conscious of what was passing between them.

  Then Na-bi reached over and held Seo Ji-wan's hands in hers.

  She was telling Ji-wan they would be okay; that she would be okay.

  She was fascinated by how Na-bi could do that; turn her pain into concern for others.

  Fascinated too by how much her sculptor's hands had changed into those of a painter; Bit-na had mentioned in a call about thinking of getting Na-bi to go with her to Taiwan. There was going to be a retreat for artists from all over east Asia; teaching ancient techniques from cultures all over the pacific rim, though Na-bi had clearly been painting very recently since her cuticles still showed signs of the paint.

  “Do you remember Sol-ah; how I told you about the conversations I had with Ji-wan... not what we said, ” she added quickly, staring into Ji-wan's eyes.

  “I believe I understand now, because that I believe I am feeling the same now. ”

  Ji-wan saw Kendra glance down; they had to have talked about this.

  “I believe we are both feeling it but, we are old enough and intelligent enough,” she winked at Kendra.

  Na-bi winked!

  Ji-wan turned to look at Sol; caught her momentary surprise. She saw too the moment all of Sol's reservations fall away.

  Then Sol winked at her and Ji-wan was compelled, forgetting any concerns over showing their love too much in public, to lean across and kissed her on the lips.

  “My Sol,” she whispered, their lips still barely brushing.

  When they parted, Sol spoke for the first time in several minutes.

  “I have to get back to the gallery; we have to. I still have some decisions to make over a couple of the smaller pieces, and Seo Ji-wan has some photographs they have agreed to have placed with some of the pieces.

   Would you like a preview?”

  Kendra grinned, as Sol added they should try call Bit-na so she could join them.

  As Ji-wan waited for the others to make their trips to the bathroom she sipped her tea, and ate a piece of her pastry. Staring out at the people passing each other on the pavement, she allowed herself a frown.

  “Where had Bit-na got to anyway?” 



    



      kerk hiraeth 
      (December 28th, Perth & Kinross, Scotland)