Hiraeth (pronounced [hiraɪ̯θ])

POEM: ''AMERICA IS A GUN'' by Brian Bilston

2026-03-27T20:29:16Z

“AMERICA IS A GUN”

Brian Bilston

England is a cup of tea.

France, a wheel of ripened brie.

Greece, a short, squat olive tree.

America is a gun.

Brazil is football on the sand.

Argentina, Maradona's hand.

Germany, an oompah band.

America is a gun.

Holland is a wooden shoe.

Hungary, a goulash stew.

Australia, a kangaroo.

America is a gun.

Japan is a thermal spring.

Scotland is a highland sling.

Oh, better to be anything

than America as a gun.

Paul Millicheap, who writes as Brian Bilston, is a British poet and author.

Born in Birmingham, he studied at the University of Wales, Swansea, before entering the publishing industry as a marketing manager; notably for John Wiley in Oxford.

Goddess watch over you,

  One Nation, Under the Gun by David Horsey
  www.pilotonline.com/2023/06/10/david-horsey-one-nation-under-the-gun/ *

  beniciaindependent.com/america-is-a-gun-poem-by-brian-bilston/


kerk

* link is not available to me in the UK; hope it works where you are

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POEM: George Square by Jackie Kay

2026-03-26T21:33:54Z

George Square

Jackie Kay

My seventy-seven-year-old father

put his reading glasses on

to help my mother do the buttons

on the back of her dress.

‘What a pair the two of us are!’

my mother said, ‘Me with my sore wrist,

you with your bad eyes, your soft thumbs!’

And off they went, my two parents

to march against the war in Iraq,

him with his plastic hips. Her with her arthritis,

to congregate at George Square, where the banners

waved at each other like old friends, flapping,

where they’d met for so many marches over their years,

for peace on earth, for pity’s sake, for peace, for peace.

Published in Life Mask (Bloodaxe, 2005)

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In Memoriam: Some Fic reposts for Nicholas Brendon # 06 ~ Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay

2026-03-22T21:17:43Z

TITLE: Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay

AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

CHARACTERS: Xander, Buffy;

LENGTH: 100;

'VERSE: The 'verse in which this is set is called the 22'verse; original fic of which was named so because 22 was the average age of the pilots who fought during the Battle of Britain from England and Scotland; Australia and India; Poland, Belgium and France, and Canada and the United States of America.

It was a ten-part series of drabbles and originally meant to be al l posted in 2012, but I lost the work 'on pencil & paper' I had done and couldn't complete the series for three years. This first one of the re-started series was dated for the final minutes of 2015 but Lj recorded as being posted in the first hour of New Year's Day 2016, which I now see as kind of appropriate.

A/N: This fic is, coincidentally, the sixth in this series of re-posts and also the sixth in the 'birthday series for elisi' of which is a part. It was written á la ronde so is almost at the apex of that story. It also acts as a fitting end to these re-posed fics as tribute.

There will be a final post, but that story is already posted to this DW so I will link to that and try to add some thoughts; hopefully that will be tomorrow, but likely will be later on in the week.

In context the operational HQ of the Slayers is based somewhere on the coast West Africa at the time of this drabble; international Slayer Central is in a fictional town in Pennsylvania.

Xander sat down beside Buffy; silently joining her in contemplating the fishermen landing their cathches. He wanted to ask how she was doing, but changed his mind when she gently rested her head on his shoulder.

They both understood that she was handling Spike's death, but didn't want to talk about it just now. Not that they talked much these days; he was simply here for an old friend if she did want to talk.

They talked about his marriage to Faith some; other simple things, until the sun eventually went down. Then he left her alone and went off to find his wife.

Goddess watch over you,

“The power of the night, the press of the storm,

The post of the foe;

Where he stands, the Arch Fear in a visible form,

Yet the strong man must go.”

(Prospice by Robert Browning)

kerk

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In Memoriam: Some Fic reposts for Nicholas Brendon # 05 ~ An Honorable Farewell

2026-03-22T19:26:23Z

TITLE: An Honorable Farewell

AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

'VERSE: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (post-series)

CHARACTERS: Buffy Summers, Rupert Giles, Dawn Summers, Willow Rosenberg, Kennedy, Riley Finn, Sam Finn, Xander Harris (r.i.p.); and a cameo by the Obamas

LENGTH: 100;

A/N: This was written for the open_on_sunday prompt (un)dress and first posted on the 26^th of January 2014.

I think my first idea for this was as a coda to Right Hand Man, but it became more of a standalone; though it did lead to an idea that came to fruition when I began writing my Tara/Faith stories.

I confess to having to suppress the urge to correct the spolling of some the words in order to 'honour' the identities of all but Rupert 'those bloody colonials' Giles {smiley and/or winky face emojis here}

Silently the honor guard assembled.

Eighteen of them; four to a coffin, except one.

Buffy wore a black dress of her mother's; Giles a simple black suit.
In front of them Sam bore a simple black beret; adorned by a Lavender bloom.

She nodded in recognition, then raised the ceremonial sword.

Willow left her partner's side; joining Dawn next to them.

A finely held African American couple, in dress suits saluted, before handing a flag to Sam's Husband.
Riley, in dress uniform, raised the flag to the last post.

Kennedy joined on her bagpipes.

And a carpenter was laid to rest.

Goddess watch over you,

kerk

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In Memoriam: Some Fic reposts for Nicholas Brendon # 04 ~ Following the Rules

2026-03-22T16:02:31Z

Fourth in my series of re-posted (and re-edited) fanfics featuring Xander Harris, in tribute to Nicholas Brendon. This one is a fair bit fluffier than the previous ones.

TITLE: Following the Rules

AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

LENGTH: 200;

'VERSE: Buffy S7;

CHARACTERS: Kennedy, Spike, Xander, Willow, mention of Andrew;

A/N: This was originally posted on Lj in 2014, and as a birthday fic for slaymesoftly. This is a link http://www.sjtrek.com/trek/rules/ to the page with the answer to Kennedy's question; just in case Andrew is unavailable...

Also one change was including this delightfully descriptive word I wish I had used in the original version, a stramash is '1. An uproar, commotion, hubbub, disturbance, a broil, squabble, row' and used in Scotland and Northern England when Spike was Human (last heard by me in, I believe, a John Wayne movie from the 1960s.)

Kennedy and Spike took out the demons in double-quick time, but not before Xander had shoved Willow out of the way and got himself well and truly pummelled; once, totally by accident, by Spike.

Dust settled, Kennedy helped her girlfriend up, as they both glanced over at their masculine guardians.

Spike was holding his hand out to the pile of hurt on the ground.

“You ok there Carpenter? “

“Get lost! “ was not what Xander muttered loudly, but under his breath.

Spike chuckled and reached down to pull him up anyway, and Xander was just about to go off on him ...

“Thanks. “

Xander looked totally non-plussed. Opening his mouth like a goldfish for a few seconds, all he could finally do was go, “Wh – huh? “

Spike held his hand out again; offering it to the very confused Xander who, not knowing quite what to do, shook it.

“What the hell was that all about? “ Kennedy asked a grinning Willow as they exited the site of the recent stramash.

Willow's grin just got wider; only getting Kennedy's ire up, when all she would say was, “Rule number 76. “

Relenting, Willow turned to Kennedy; pecked her on the cheek, and adding crytically, “Ask Andrew. “

~
This was posted on LJ, in it's original form, on January 25th 2014 as a birthday fic for slaymesoftly
~

Goddess watch over you,

kerk

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In Memoriam: Some Fic reposts for Nicholas Brendon # 03 ~ A message finally delivered

2026-03-22T04:18:44Z

TITLE: A message finally delivered

AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

'VERSE: Buffy S7 & Angel S5 Crossover (sort of)

CHARACTERS: Xander Harris, Dawn Summers, Cordelia Chase, Angel,

LENGTH: tbc;

A/N: This was the eleventh fic written as part of my 2013 fic challenge to myself; posted on the 15^th of January it was an attempt to resolve a plot anomaly that I perceived in the story of Cordelia Chase's relationship with Xander Harris.

It was also written as a birthday present for angelus2hot, who is still posting to ao3, but hasn't posted to dreamwidth for quite some time.

WARNING: Decided I needed to pop a warning here; since I don't know the laws there is an implication that Dawn might be drinking underage. Just to be clear, she isn't. The implication is that she has in the past, not that she is doing it now.

“There's a letter from Angel, “Dawn, between bites of her buttered toast, informed Xander as he sar beside her; looking a little surprised he took the envelope she held out.

“There's me thinking he'd got the hang of texting, “ he muttered sourly.

She sighed; those two would never be friends, no matter how many times they had fought 'soul sucking demons' side by side.

“Where's Buff? “

“Change of plans, “ she informed him as he reached for a letter opener. “Kenn got a call from home, so Buffy took her ticket so she and Willow are going to the show together. “

When he didn't have a joke to make about them going to a lesbian strip show together she took her eyes from what she was watching, on silent, and saw the shocked expression on his face.

“What's wrong?

… She closed the laptop.

Xander? What is it? “

When he stayed frozen, she took the letter from his fingers.

Shakily he told her, “It's from... about Cordy. “

“Cordelia Chase? Why... but she... “

She read the part of the letter, which was written on two different types of paper, from Angel she was almost rendered speechless herself.

Angel had written that they had found a letter that Cordelia had written a long time ago, but had tried to finish during the brief time she had before she ascended.

“You okay? “ She touched his hand; resisting the temptation to touch his cheek with her crumb covered fingers.

His face was shocked and drawn.

When he finally managed to shake his head she began to stand up, telling him, “I'll get you a whisky; figured out the combination ages ago, “ secretly pleased that Xander was with it enough to both scowl and query. “Don't tell Buffy. “

He saw her wink before she left the room, then shakily picking up Cordy's letter to start reading it again.

Hi Xander,

I'm really sorry I've not written a letter before. It didn't seem so important, but I regret not keeping in touch now. I guess you've heard by now I've got some kind of baby demon inside of me now.

Must be weird to hear me saying that I could refuse a chance at fame and fortune so I could fight the fight like some kind of... Buffy

{can't remember how to write one of those smile face things so you'll have to imagine it}

Even weirder that I did it to save Angel. I know you'll not be happy about that, but he really is in the same fight you and Buffy are; though he seems not to see that too well sometimes.

Anyway this demon thing is causing me problems I don't want to tell the others about

if you tell on me remember I've got a few secrets I can tell Buffy and Willow about you so SHUSH!

M'kay?

He smiled at that; hiding it before Dawn came back and handed him a tumbler with a healthy level of, neat, whisky. She put a finger to her lips as he accepted it; reminder that she had a secret too now.

She went over to the hotplate and made him up a plate of bacon, mushrooms and eggs; placing it in front of him as she went to make them some coffee; keeping an unsubtle eye on him as he went back to reading the letter; uncertain she'd get an answer if she knew she could ask.

Her eyes said his no jokes demeanour was worrying her, but he couldn't find the will to hide right now.

I wanted to say something just in case.

I loved you.

I never said it, but I did. Guess I still do in some ways, because all this … I've been through so much but I had a lot … I realised my feelings for Doyle came from me seeing you in him.

I laughed out loud once imagining you joking about me joining your demon gf club.

I I cried about it too.

He was like an older version of you. I think that's why I was falling in love with him.

I have a type apparently and you are it.

Bet you never thought a girl would say that to you, huh?

How did I end up never sleeping with either of the men I actually loved?

Good going, Chase!

Not that we didn't do st

I regret that now, especially after I heard about Faith.

If it means anything It's because I loved you and was dumb enough to think I had time.

Not that you didn't screw us up, you rat bastard but it's too late for any of that now.

I know we both wanted to and what makes it hurt now is that you never tried to force anything even knowing I was hardly a virgin.

I'm sad now we never made love; that I never got to make love with someone who actually loved me.

Guess I wasn't as mature as I thought I was.

Or you as it turns out.

I just wanted you to know that if the

Then she made a note to rewrite most of that; saying something about a special man; then there was something about a special person; several attempts to write about being a better person because of them.

Then she'd scribbled something about forgiving him, or not forgiving him; he couldn't make most of it out.

Finally there was a line asking herself if she could ever send this.

Xander stopped and ate the food Dawn had given him as she drank her coffee and watched him eat, for once not making him self-concious.

She made to pick the letter up; the second note of Angel's, clearly asking with her eyes if it was okay. He gave her a ... well he hoped it was melancholic, smile to let her know to go ahead.

After a quick read she started to read it aloud.

“I wasn't sure whether to send this but Gunn said you had the right to see it, and the others agreed so I decided to send it despite my reservations.

We believe she tried to write it several times but never found the time to finish it, or get it right.

It doesn't seem to matter much now.

I think she was trying to find a way of saying how special you were to all of us who knew you, whether we liked each other or not.

I miss her blunt honesty more and more with each day I head along the path she set me back on; wherever it leads I have her to thank.

So I wanted to say one thing before I finish.

Fan sábháilte a chara, tar anall agus bíodh bábhla anraith agat ag mo theallach; lig dúinn beoir agus deoch a roinnt dár gcuimhni cinn uirthi.

Yours, my friend.

Liam aka Angel

Dawn handed it to him when he finished eating and he folded it; picked up the whisky and walked to the back door and went out into the garden.

She left him alone as she cleared everything away; leaving the clean up to the Potential on kitchen wash up duty in the morning.

When she looked through the open door she saw the shudder in his slumped shoulders she made a sudden decision.

Coming back a few minutes later she heard the potentials she'd called back from patrol coming in through the front door and joined Xander; handing him a jacket after taking the barely touched whisky from his hand.

“Feel like some comfort food? Let's go get pizza from that place you wanted to take Cordelia.”

He just nodded as she tucked her arm in his and pulled him after her.

Goddess watch over you,

“ What we once enjoyed

and deeply loved we

can never lose, for all

that we love deeply

becomes part of us. “

~ Helen Keller

kerk

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In Memoriam: Some Fic reposts for Nicholas Brendon # 02 ~ Right Hand Man

2026-03-21T23:39:36Z

TITLE: Right Hand Man

AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

LENGTH: tbc;

'VERSE: post-series;

CHARACTERS: Angel, Spike, Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, Jesse; mention of Dawn, Faith & Kennedy;

A/N: Written for my fic challenge to myself of 2013; this was the third written (posted on the 4^th of January on my lj). Looking back there is definite reference to the world of Dead Like Me for which I wrote a crossover with Buffy at another time.
A little more significant re-editing of this one, but only in the last third.
(edit ps. as I complete this post I think I see where I can fit this into my season six au)

“We can't. “

Angel winced but, even though he knew Spike was right, he couldn't prevent his uncoperative legs from taking a couple of steps closer to the bed.

Spike never moved; instead lighting a highly illicit cigarette and, not even looking, asked him softly, “You'd really take away everything he was?”

Angel turned his face to the ceiling, barely managing a whsiper in response.

“He saved my life.”

'More fool him, ' was what Spike wanted to say; instead making the more cogent statement, “Taking his Humanity from him would be a bit of a poor thank you, mate. “

“But to let him die... “

There was no response from the other vampire this time; Angel was speaking to the Heavens, not him in any case.

Angel leant backwards against the wall; slumped against it in defeat more like, was Spike's thought.

He knew Harris would never forgive Angel; nor him for that matter, if he didn't stop Angel.

Glancing at the bed, he said carefully, “And, you great bog-trotting Irish pouffe; putting Red's soul at risk is off the menu as well. “

He'd been right, it had been on Angel's mind and, though he had no way of knowing who Spike was speaking to, the older vampire caved; sliding down to the floor, head in hands.

Defeated.

Spike left him alone, sort of and once, a short time after he returned he fell under the grip of the drugged coffee Spike gave him before he carried him to a nearby room to recover.

Not long after that Buffy arrived; answering his call. She said a brief final farewell to her old friend; she, Dawn and Faith had been near constant presences for days until the Doctors finally gave up on his chances for recovery.

“Will he never come out of it? “

She still had to ask, even though the answer wouldn't change; could never change, without solutions he'd never forgive them for. He just shook his head; words pointless, even though she wasn't really looking at him.

He did ask; not looking at her, if they'd found Red; relieved that Buffy didn't notice he wasn't watching her, or looking at the bed, he was aware of her shaking her head.

“Not even Kennedy's heard from her; neither of us is really on speaking terms with Will these days. “ She seemed to come out of her funk for a second then, telling him firmly, “ Best to keep Dawn away from here in case she does make an appearance though. “

“Well, somebody'd better find her, “ he muttered too loud, and unnecessarily, “or the Carpenter here will stay like this for years.

Don't seem right somehow, “ he said quietly as they looked, well Buffy did anyhow, at the figure in the bed.

Buffy, still thinking he was speaking to her, kissed him gently on the cheek, and arm placed gently around his neck told him softly, “You take care; get some rest yourself. I'll get Angel moved to the van; got a long drive ahead of us if we're going to beat the storm. “

Somehow he managed to not make the obvious comment; just responding with a steady eyed, “I'll keep an eye on him. Call; anything if... you know. “

Buffy took a last look at Xander; eyes closed; bruises fading; at peace, if only by virtue of modern technology; she left to arrange Angel's move to their getaway vehicle.

Outside, he watched as they loaded the great pouffe into the van.

Buffy managed a brief smile, hugging him farewell as he told her to be careful of the blizzard headed down from north of the lakes.

“Best avoid Chicago; especially as the Kings are playing there this weekend. “

Buff gave Spike another kiss; this time on the forehead, before she watched them drive away, with Buffy waving briefly as she gestured to the young Slayer who'd be doing the bulk of the driving to Pennsylvania.

Spike only briefly stepped back into Xander's room a couple of minutes later.

“Thanks, blondie, “ a tired; rasping, voice spoke from the ether as a much older figure than he remembered materialised and sat down in the chair next to Harris.

“I'll be in the canteen when you... I'll leave you in peace. “

He watched her silently for a second, then stepped out and left her alone with the Carpenter.

A pained, but appreciative expression appeared on Willow's face as she watched his back disappear through the door.

“Thanks... , “ she told him, knowing he was only just out of her sight, “... you know for calling me. “

She could hear him breathing; unnecssarily so she knew he really was there. She could almost see his head and shoulders slump just a little bit before he was gone.

The rest didn't need to be said.

And she wanted to be alone with her oldest companion before she did what had to be done.

Neither could see the two shades watching the interchange.

“So how long before we head out of here? “

A still apparently solid Xander turned and queried of his still teenage looking conductor.

Jesse shrugged.

“I'm still new to this duty; only got transferred a few days ago; guess someone must have owed you a favour. Beats conducting the souls of Vampire victims.

Hardly seems like the Willow I remember. She'd have dived into a volcano to bring you back.”

What was left of Xander was grateful she hadn't tried anything; part of him wondering where Spike's soul was, even as he thanked him for talking Angel out of...

Whatever he'd been planning.

He couldn't tell how long he'd been waiting for her to turn up, but it had been nice to see Jesse again after all this... however long it had been.

He had no concern about Buffy or Dawn, and Faith had never got on with Will.

The two Vampires had surprised him; struggling to remember why that was as he found himself drifting in and out of this place.

They stood there until the darkness began to fall; talking about whatever the dead talked about while they waited for their journey to begin, though neither pondered on why they could still feel the floor beneath their feet.

Somehow Xander hadimagined that a nerd like they had been would get an answer to that at least.

They waited for nearly an hour before, as the stars began to appear, Willow leant forward and kissed her oldest, and bestest, friend on the forehead before she turned off the machines keeping his body alive.

More than an hour after he had been taken away Willow stood up and, tears all shed, failed to notice the two shades fade away as he walked through them and out the door.

She found Spike in the cafeteria; seven empty coffee cups; all full and cold, in front of him as he took another swig of whisky from his flask. Silently she took it from his grasp; knocked it against each of the coffee cups and took a swig herself.

He nodded.

There was no need for words.

They silently shared the whisky and, occasionally, coffee until pre-dawn arrived.

It was snowing as they stopped out into the coming dawn's light and got aboard his Triumph then, as she silently hugged him, he started the machine that was older than her parents and slowly trundled out of the vicinity of the hospital approved parking.

What could they say really?

Everyone's right hand man was off to register and the Great Comicon in the sky.

Goddess watch over you,

He always gravitates to the minor key

As he navigates his way away from me

He claims a guardian for every sailor in the storm

But where are the patrons for those left on the shore

And as the darkness falls around me

He takes my hand and starts to pray

This is a hymn for all those left behind

This is a prayer for every heart left barren

This is a call for all the saints to be reminded

To sing a hymn for all those left behind

She only dreams in shades of gray these days

Now that her children have all grown

And though her husband sleeps just two feet away

When she wakes she feels alone

And as the dawn comes through the window

She lies awake, tries to recall

If there's a hymn for all those left behind

If there's a prayer for every heart left barren

If there's a call for all the saints to be reminded

To sing a hymn for all those left behind

{ ~ Hymn for Those Left Behind by Shannon Moore, from the soundtrack of Latter Days, 2003 }

kerk hiraeth

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In Memoriam: Some Fic reposts for Nicholas Brendon # 01 ~ Inside Knowledge

2026-03-21T20:31:34Z

First one is a ~nearly~ fifteen year old drabble that references a conversation with Buffy in the Season 4 opener, The Freshman.

TITLE: Inside Knowledge

AUTHOR: kerk-hiraeth

LENGTH: 100;

'VERSE: Missing scene for S7 (post ep.11, Showtime);

CHARACTERS: Xander Harris, Buffy Summers, Dawn Summers, Rona;

A/N: Cannot remember specifically why this was written, but it was written for the Open on Sunday prompt, 'Strip' so I can only conclude my mind went speedily on it's way to Oxnard, California...

Music swam through the night air as the stripper removed their clothes with 'practised' smoothness, and well dressed woman took off her glasses and licked her lips in anticipation as the stripper swayed erotically before her.

Behind her; unseen, Rona silently raised long sword and swung it, expertly decapitating the 'woman' with a single blow.

Buffy smirked as everyone else was drenched when her demon blood sprayed them.

“I told you Ms. Palin was a demon,” Dawn groaned.

“Yeah, yeah, “ Xander moaned, shivering. “Can I put my clothes back on now?”

Buffy just smiled innocently.

This was first posted in May of 2011 on Lj, and is lightly edited; New Orleans Saints logo because they had pre-season training in Oxnard before the 2011 regular NFL season.

Exotic

Please bless me sweet

Flutter of your eyelid

Last night I dreamt about you

As my beautiful bride

Throw at me a look filled

With love and care

Make a shed over my face

With your dense hair

Come to me to share love

Under the starlit night

A beauty like you will make

My heart dance in delight

Tiky akp

Exotic Poem by Anil Kumar Panda

Goddess watch over you,

kerk hiraeth

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POEM: If only we had taller been by Ray Bradbury

2026-03-03T20:46:38Z

This came up in my memories.

As we spiral ever faster toward extinction it feels even more relevant than during the times it was written.

kerk

If only we had taller been

The fence we walked between the years

Did balance us serene;

It was a place half in the sky where

In the green of leaf and promising of peach

We’d reach our hands to touch and almost thouch that lie,

That blue that was not really blue.

If we could reach and touch, we said,

‘Twould teach us, somehow, never to be dead.

We ached, we almost touched that stuff;

Our reach was never quite enough.

So, Thomas, we are doomed to die.

O, Tom, as I have often said,

How said we’re both so short in bed.

If only we had taller been,

And touched God’s cuff, His hem,

We would not have to sleep away and go with them

Who’ve gone before,

A billion give or take a million boys or more

Who, short as we, stood tall as they could stand

And hoped by stretching thus to keep their land,

Their home, their hearth, their flesh and soul.

But they, like us, were standing in a hole.

O, Thomas, will a Race one day stand really tall

Across the Void, across the Universe and all?

And, measured out with rocket fire,

At last put Adam’s finger forth

As on the Sistine Ceiling,

And God’s great hand come down the other way

To measure Man and find him Good,

And Gift him with Forever’s Day?

I work for that.

Short man, Large dream. I send my rockets forth between my ears,

Hoping an inch of Will is worth a pound of years.

Aching to hear a voice cry back along the universal Mall:

We’ve reached Alpha Centauri!

We’re tall, O God, we’re tall!

Ray Bradbury

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Fics for 2026 #004 ~ Love in Translation (BtVS)

2026-02-11T00:03:59Z

TITLE: Love in translation [for Halfamoon 2026]

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer;

RATING: NC-17;

LENGTH: 650;

CHARACTER(s): Kennedy; Tara Maclay;

SHIP(s): Willow/Kennedy (future); Tara Maclay (past;

SUMMARY: Translating people's love language can, on occasion, make the Kobiyashi Maru look easy.

A/N: Still not sure I have a handle on which Buffyverse of mine this belongs in but, given the date when the Rupi Kaur poetry rupikaur.com/pages/milk-and-honey-books was published the earliest date for this scene is 2015. That, at least, fits in with the fic I posted for Day One's The Innocent Prompt.

“Hair, “

Ignoring by the sound of her locker door being closed Kennedy; not bothered enough to cover herself, simply continued to towel herself down as she walked out of the showers.

She came to a sharp stop when she saw who was waiting there though.

Sat right in front of her locker.

She was just sat there.

Studying her.

Checking her out?

She barely moved as Kenn advanced on her carefully, until she was standing over her antagonist.

Bitch actually licked her lips; not bothering to pretend where she was looking, just slid out of Kenn's way so the slayer could get to her locker.

Instead of her underwear Kenn turned from her locker with a note 'twixt her fingers.

Why the fuck had phrase it like that?

“You were saying? “ She asked out loud.

Brazenly licking her lips again, Tara Maclay raised her eyes to meet Kennedy's before she stood; staring right into them.

''hair

if it was not supposed to be there

would not be growing

on our bodies in the first place''

Whatever that was supposed to mean had nothing to do with the obvious.

“Thus spake zarathustra, “ Kenn responded, at which Tara grinned.

Kenn had the feeling she had somehow passed some kind of test. Unable to stop herself she glanced down at her groin.

“You approve?”

Dilated pupils notwithstanding her antagonist said nothing, simply leaning in and laying a kiss on the Kennedy's cheek; away from the fingers holding the note.

Inaudibly, but for proximity, she simply stated, “She lied to you.”

She knew.

Then her eyes seemed to go quiet and she started to walk away.

Just as she appeared about to reach for the handle of the inner door she turned her head slightly; enough for Kenn to see a deeply saddened, melancholic, smile on her face.

“I didn't...”

Tara turned her face toward Kennedy; eyes looking pained and resigned.

“Take care of her. “

She spoke as softly she had when Kenn could feel her breath, but Kenn could hear her clearly.

“I don't understand why she'd want you to believe she was cheating.”

She snorted, or tried to stifle a laugh; Kenn couldn't tell for sure.

She couldn't find the words either.

Why... why would she?

Then Tara was standing right in front of her; reaching out and pinching the note from her fingers. Staring deep into Kennedy's eyes she unfolded the note; turned it text facing her and returned it to Kennedy's hand,

“She's not my problem anymore.”

Take care of her.

For me.

Kenn watched her; speechless, walk funereal over to the inner door.

Take care of her.

For myself?

Grasping the handle; door opening, Tara seemed to be pausing.

Considering.

Fascinated, Kenn watched the decision being processed.

She was still caught by surprise.

“You never stop loving her.”

Statement?

Warning?

Kennedy couldn't tell if she was even the one Tara was talking to.

Tara opened the door and, before she closed it behind her looked Kennedy in the eye again.

“Oxford.

Near Lady Margaret's Hall.

She won't listen, but tell her not to contact me.

I - I'll do that when I am ready.”

As she turned away for the final time she spoke once more.

“I broke up with her months ago...

and

Green?”

Then she shrugged and closed the door with a final wink and a smirk.

Kenn heard her ~ was she skipping? ~ walk away down the corridor to the outer door.

She was whistling.

Kenn had never heard her whistle.

Not recognising the tune*; sounded mediaeval, she found herself committing it to memory.

If Tara was sending her a message she probably needed to decipher this entire locker room talk.

She understood why this quiet, startlingly unassuming, woman commanded such fierce, and unswerving, loyalty at least.

When she gave in to the need to breathe the silence, interrupted, was suddenly deafening.

Kenn finally took a look at the note.

Whatever it meant it was not for her.

“losing you

was the becoming

of myself”

Kennedy let out a loud snort and glanced downward.

“Tell me something.

¿Por qué decidí teñirte?”

Goddess watch over you,

Rupi Kaur
~ foreword note,
'the poems
they're falling out of me
like Rain.'

(April 3rd, 2014. 10.33 pm)

{ right now I feel like I know what she meant }

kerk

* This www.youtube.com/watch is the tune that Tara is whisling at the end. Read into that what you choose.

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Fics for 2026 #003 ~ When the clouds are in your shoes (Firefly)

2026-02-09T19:57:30Z

TITLE: When the clouds are in your shoes [Halfamoon 2026]

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Firefly {post- Serenity the Movie};

LENGTH: 425;

CHARACTER(s): Zoë Alleyne; River Tam; Jayne Cobb; Oc (Saisyu Washburne);

SUMMARY: allpoetry.com/Here-Is-A-Wound-That-Never-Will-Heal,-I-Know by Edna St. Vincent Millay {No words that I can find would summarise this story better}

A/N: This was inspired by halfamoon's Big Damn Admin cmk418's Day 5 Firefly fic halfamoon.dreamwidth.org/567034.html ; mind was too busy writing stories in my head, including this one.

It's also inspired by the idea that when the show ended Zoë was unknowingly waiting to meet that beautiful baby she was talking to Wash about. This idea seemed to fit the post-movie Firefly better so there we are.

The title was inspired by the poem linked above and two songs Abba's 'Hole in your Soul' genius.com/Abba-hole-in-your-soul-lyrics and Nat King Cole's Smile genius.com/Nat-king-cole-smile-lyrics; all three came to mind while I was seeking a new opening line.

He'd never done it, but she imagined knocking the Shepherd to the floor for saying it.

Zoë watched River and Jayne; like co-parenting siblings, playing with 'lil Wash as she happily escaped one or the other's grasp.

A walking and talking knife in her soul.

Reminder of what her life had stolen from her.

A life she had chosen.

Until she had first held that child to her chest she had never truly known pain; not through the war; not when Tracey had died from the bullets they had carried; not even when the battle fever had finally ebbed away and she'd put on that gorram dress.

She had finally understood the pain her Captain; her Sergeant; her comrade; her friend had felt losing his faith. The moment the door had closed on the quarters she now shared with their baby she felt a pain she had foolishly imagined she was prepared for.

“Mā mī!”

Knife twisting in gaping hole where her heart had been, she hunkered down and gathered the waddling, giggling, chubby bundle of laughter in her arms.

She buried the pain deep; 'lil Wash would never know his face; never see her smile reflected in his eyes; never feel his warmth; never groan at his humor; never hear his voice.

She'd never know how much he could annoy her; nor understand her love for him every time she so riled at him she'd yell to bust her lungs.

Zoë could almost see him snickering the first time this tiny creature broke her calm and got herself yelled at the way she'd yell at him.

She could almost hear him too; thoughts interrupted, she looked up as Jayne lay a hand on her shoulder and she returned the invisible smile he had on his face that made him look so much like the preacher.

Her eyes closed before her gaze fell on River's expression but she knew it was telling her she would heal one day.

As much as she imagined River lying on the floor next to Shepherd Book, she knew she didn't want to heal.

She didn't want his memory ever to fade to where she didn't feel that pain.

That pain kept her man alive.

She found herself anticipating the day this child got her so riled up she wanted to shout at her just as she would her father.

She wanted to see him smiling at their child the way he smiled at her after a fight.

She wanted to see him in their child; their little girl; their Saisyu.

Goddess be with you,

天下無不散之筵席 { There is no such thing as a feast that never ends }

kerk

"Saisyu" most commonly refers to the Japanese word 最終 (saishū), meaning "last," "final," or "closing". In this case it is a compound name, 'Sai' being Cantonese for 'Wash' and Syu the Cantonese for 'Book'.

Here is a wound that never will heal, I know,
Being wrought not of a dearness and a death,
But of a love turned ashes and the breath
Gone out of beauty; never again will grow
The grass on that scarred acre, though I sow
Young seed there yearly and the sky bequeath
Its friendly weathers down, far Underneath
Shall be such bitterness of an old woe.
That April should be shattered by a gust,
That August should be levelled by a rain,
I can endure, and that the lifted dust
Of man should settle to the earth again;
But that a dream can die, will be a thrust
Between my ribs forever of hot pain.

{Edna St. Vincent Millay}

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Fics for 2026 #002 ~ Like the first dewfall on the first grass (BtVS)

2026-02-07T05:07:26Z

TITLE: Like the first dewfall on the first grass [Halfamoon 2026]

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer;

CHARACTERS: OC's; Fatima El-baz & Sofia Blazhevich (Senior Chaplain & Junior Slayer respectively);

'VERSE: Not set in stone, but fanon-adjacent to Jet Wolf's much-mourned Chosenverse;

RATING: PG-13;

WORD COUNT: 1,000;

NOTES: Started well before this year's Halfamoon this story ended up fitting the day three prompt (The Caregiver) perfectly.

Unlike most of my fics this one has a very specific date as it is set on the morning (in the area of Pennsylvania where Slayer HQ is situated) of the passing of Pope Francis on the 21^st April last year. Thus it's important that this is very much dedicated to me greatest supporter, elisi, and as begun a few days after that date, but before his successor, Leo XIV, was elected.

I have a very extensive backstory for the chaplain; have her appearing in a couple of stories before this, all written a long time ago now. This is however the first time she has been a central character, though I have drafts for several ideas in several notebooks.

Sofia is a new character, certainly my newest Buffy character and was born, given her age her, several years after the show's conclusion, and a few years after the Slayer HQ as created in Jet Wolf's Chosen!verse was established.

ADDENDUM: This will also be posted for this year's halfamoon, which starts tomorrow ~or today~ depending on when I post this on my Dreamwidth and when I post it there.

Sofia stumbled into her office just before Dawn.

And just after Dawn as it should happen.

Fatima Amastan Sultana Sara Tirzah Elbaz, known as Queenie to most of those for whom she was Chaplain, replaced the receiver she had been about to use and immediately devoted all her attention to the young Slayer.

Nothing could have happened to her girlfriend who; as with her own partner; Praise be to Allah she should return safely her arms, was embedded in a war zone.

She knew where both were and Buffy would hardly have left her in the dark if something had happened.

As Sofia composed herself, it also occurred to her that her girlfriend; several years older than her and deeply embedded in occupied territory not far from Sofia's birthplace.

No, whatever was distressing her, that was not it. She began to boil some water; waiting to ask if the girl wanted some green tea, or maybe some of the Black tea she might be more comforted by.

Patiently she helped the girl into a sofa chair she kept in her office and knelt, as was her fashion, and held Sofia's hand as she calmed down.

Finally she felt able to ask, “What is it, tafruxt?”

She was relieved to see Sofia manage a slightly embarrassed smile.
The girl spoke softly; sounding strained, naturally enough. “Pomer Papa Frantsysk... “ adding after a moment, possibly seeing her slight confusion. “The Pope has died. “

She recalled Sofia's arrival; barely fourteen years old, more than five years before now, and nodded in understanding.

The confusion returned however; wasn't Sofia Russian, and agnostic?

Sofia actually managed a grin at her expression, “I'm Catholic, “ reminding the Chaplain, “My family was allowed to move to Vasylivka not long before Krushchev died. “

She nodded, recalling now that, though Sofia rarely attended Mass, she felt unusally comfortable being ministered to by someone who wasn't actually Catholic. A click made her rise and a raspy voice answered her unasked query, “Chornyy chay... bez lymona. “ She managed a smile and filled the old ceramic teapot her father had given her before she had boarded a ship heading for Sicily on her long journey to Pennsylvania.

As the tea steeped she recovered some sugar and placed it in a woven wicker bowl lined with Goat's kidskin, a gift from her best friend at the academy where she had trained.

She softly recited some of Surah Maryam for both her and her father; neither of whom she ever expected to see again. She repeated the words for her beloved; Sofia and her beloved.

Placing the pot and bowl on a wooden tray and carefully carried them over to where Sofia seemed lost in contemplation and placed them on the wooden table Yehudit had given her when they had spoken their commitments to each other.

Judith and Sara, as they referred to each other, could not be married by each other's faith, so their ceremony had been private and held near a waterfall out by Buttermilk Falls.

Sara held Sofia's hands and they held a silent blessing before she knelt down again.

While the tea steeped properly they discussed what Sofia wanted to do.

Sara told her she would be hosting a mass if Sofia wanted to attend.

She did not.

Sara offered Sofia a private prayer session if Sofia was willing to teach her the Ukrainian.

Sofia declined the latter but a simple latin prayer would be okay.

Sensing Sofia's hesitancy she recalled her own need for comfort; especially since her habibti was so far from her.

Struggling with the knowledge that her habibti might be startlingly close to where Sofia had grown up, and just maybe was engaged in aiding Sofia's own family, she kept her bond; returning her mind to something more comforting for them both,

“You know my wife is Jewish? “ Sofia was perplexed; everyone knew that.

Gently patting Sofia's hand Sara illucidated, “Every year, we go somewhere remote and commemorate the liberation of Auschwitz, Usually,” she added, getting up to find cups.

Warming them, Sara informed her, “we plant bushes or trees; release fish or other creatures back into their natural environment.

Sometimes we make love by an open fire and say the kaddish ... “

Fearing she had spoken a little too freely she was relieved Sofia seemed not to have not heard.

“You know the Kaddish? “

The young woman wiped a tear away.

“My father was taught the Yiddish when he was a child so he could assist with the Kaddish over the last survivor of the heto that had been close to where my family lived when we first moved to Vasilyvka. He believed those times should never be forgotten.“

As Sofia thought of her father, Sara kept a warm smile to herself thinking on her own.

“Well I don't know the yiddish but if I speak the hebrew; you the yiddish...? “

Sofia seemed to come alive with that thought; one of her own following quickly, “By the sapling? Tomorrow at dawn? “

It was times like this that she felt blessed by her vocation.

Sara poured the tea; adding more sugar than she should, but only as much as Sofia did.

She preferred honey with her tea, but Sofia was who mattered on this occasion. Sara could already see her gaining a sense of strength from this talk.

Fatima Amastan Sultana Sara Tirzah Elbaz, known as Queenie to those for whom she was Chaplain, felt something of the same herself; owning some comfort too in the belief she would be hold her habibti when she returned home; promising a prayer for the safe return from the Sudan for Sofia's girlfriend.

She heard the echo of her father and her friend's voices, reminding her she still needed to call a Priest to hold the Mass for Pope Francis; in that moment too she felt the warmth of her father's gentle pride in her, and the warmth of her best friend's acceptance.

Goddess watch over you,

' Sweet the rains new fall, sunlit from Heaven
Like the first dewfall on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where His feet pass '

kerk

addendum 1 ~ Surah 19: Maryam Ayat 96

إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتِ سَيَجْعَلُ لَهُمُ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنُ وُدًّا

. Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds - the Most Compassionate will bestow for them, love

addendum 2 ~ lyrics which provided the title of this story...

Morning Has Broken (1971) by Cat Stevens (latterly Yusuf Islam)

Morning has broken like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for them springing fresh from the world

Sweet the rains new fall, sunlit from Heaven
Like the first dewfall on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where His feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day

Morning has broken like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for them springing fresh from the world

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Fics for 2026 # 001 ~ It Must Be Tuesday (BtVS)

2026-02-04T23:14:21Z

TITLE: It Must Be Tuesday [for Halfamoon 2026]

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (based on Jet Wolf's Chosenverse continuation);

RATING: PG;

LENGTH: 200;

CHARACTER(s): Buffy Summers; Faith Lehane; Andrew Wells; Rina Aymara (OC);

SUMMARY: Buffy's life as The Slayer; General; Commander-in-Chief is not all grim; nor being buried in paperwork and schedules. Sometimes she gets to appreciate the surreal insanity of the life she has built for herself.

A/N: Written for halfamoon's 2026 festival Day Two prompt of Guilty Pleasures; this is a kind of follow up to a 2013 fic of mine, A Slayer's Moon; or the Many, and Varied Paths of the Sun, which was set much more clearly in Jet Wolf's world.

This is more loosely connected to her Chosenverse, as well as being part of a loose connected series following Faith's bizarre, to everyone, friendship with Andrew Wells or 'The Dweeb' as she calls him. Rina Aymara is a near full-blooded member of the Aymara nation; people who lived mostly live in the Andes in Bolivia (I'll likely update this by posting that old fic here, even though the old lj link still works).

The Star Trek episode obliquely referenced is the fifth season Deep Space Nine ep, ''Doctor Bashir, I Presume?''

Rinsing out her mug and placing it carefully on the mug tree; Buffy double-checked that her laptop was securely disabled for the night and left her office.

As she locked the door behind her, her attention was drawn to what sounded like an argument coming from the direction of the senior staff's common room. Sighing in frustration she heard; approaching the open door, what sounded like Faith and Andrew...

Peering around the corner she heard something about 'bashing something?'

Sat upright Faith; arm outstretched, had a finger pointed straight at 'the Dweeb's' head.

His arms were waving wildly in hurt frustration, while Rina Aymara was sat between them; attempting to chew betel nuts while trying to stifle laughter over what she had clearly instigated.

Buffy, taking in the Star Trek episode on the TV, caught Faith's eyes; at once panicked; embarrassed and threatening, and threw up her hands defensively and carefully withdrew from the battle, grinning like a Looney Toons character.

Safely clear she turned; shaking her head.

Whatever it was all about was hardly likely to be any more bizarre than a fifteen year old 'mean girl' being told she was The Chosen One, meant to protect the world from Vampires.

Goddess watch over you,

kerk

Some additional info...
###

http://www.native-languages.org/bolivia.htm

bolivianexpress.org/magazine-sub-item/71

3. Rina Aymara = Aymara path. This unusual name is also quite controversial as it clearly shows the desire of the parents to reconnect with indigenous roots. It also denotes a pragmatic and ambitious personality, a life which will follow a clear path.

1. Inti = Sun. he sun is a crucial deity for the Aymara; part of the sacred couple of Sun and Moon who, together with the Pachamama (Mother Earth) created the world. To be called Inti is an honour, and Inti has a responsibility to guide others; he has to work from the earliest hours of the day!
###

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{Re-post} Fics for 2020 # 002 ~ The Briefest of Heroes [for halfamoon 2026)

2026-02-02T20:21:59Z

TITLE: The Briefest of Heroes (re-post for Halfamoon 2026 Prompt #01 – The Innocent)

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

'VERSE: Unofficially titled PrezKenn!verse as the very first fic was set after Kennedy had been elected President of the United States; this fic is set many year prior when a cold war between the remnants of the old Council of Watchers and their allies and the Council of Slayers set up by Willow & Giles; ancilliary organisations and their allies. This in AU continuation following a different conclusion to S4's body swap story.*

LENGTH: 350,

CHARACTER(s): OC; Willow; Kennedy;

SHIP(s): Willow/Kennedy;

SUMMARY: Amongst all the Slayers born into new powers; what happens to those who are alone; untrained and unfound. This is an account of one such abandoned innocent.

A/N: Updated #1 ~ In this 'verse Tara is alive, but long separated from Willow and the Faith/Buffy bodyswap was not reversed, and few of the TV show's main characters believe Buffy is still alive, Faith & Tara, who are allies of the Council of Slayers which came into being after the destruction of Sunnydale (several years in time later than in canon) are the only ones actively searching for her with some agnostic aid from a few others).

Updated #2 ~ Originally my headcanon had this set in the USA during the summer of 2020. The date stands, but I am disturbed by how much more relevant it feels to the current state of that country, or indeed the world, from the streets of Iran to Minneapolis; who knows how many other places could be added.

Updated #3 ~ Dedicated to the hundreds of thousands of deaths from the destruction that happened to create Central Park and Tulsa City massacres to Tiananmen Square and Tahrir Square; from the resource created horrors of Gaza; Sudan; Timor; Rwanda and the Congo.

Updated #4 ~ Re-dedicated to George Floyd & Sandra Bland; Marsha P. Thompson & Sylvia Rivera and all they represent. Newly dedicated to Keith Porter; Renée Good & Alex Pretti and all the un-named or unknown victims of the monstrosity in the House of Bones in DC* and, I fear, the victims to come of the insanity of the rise of the fascist sycophantic followers of the Faragist party festering even here in Scotland.

Updated #5 ~ Image used originally as, in my headcanon, the un-named main character was a refugee from the Rohingya being decimated by the military government of Myanmar.

ps. Vote DC https://www.dcvote.org/

This is not a happy story with a happy ending.

She did not know where she was.

Cool, with none of the humid warmth she was used to.

Home.

She remembered a home.

Not the place of her birth.

Even her Sister had not had that memory.

Death met in a boat's depths.

Tossed overboard; cursed wastage.

She had a name too.

Nought the Men cared.

A real name.

She had forgotten her own as well.

It was dark here.

Cold and harsh.

Sharpness slashing her feet.

Steadily down; step after painful, bloodied step.

Shock froze her as she felt freedom's grasp.

And took her; disoriented, toward a sea of noise.

Turned a corner; into crashing waves of people.

She had not conceived the world held so many.

The camp had not prepared her.

They had reached water and found Hell.

Toes touched cold, hard glass.

Reaching down she picked up the bottle.

She drank.

It burned bitter, but it refreshed.

She sensed the ebbing of the tide of Humanity.

Stepped into the gap created.

Turning from them she found a faceless line of armored... people?

Weapons raised.

She paused.

They paused.

The crowd behind her paused.

The world froze.

The faceless weapons took a step.

She did not retreat.

Those behind cried louder.

She felt their desperation; rage, pulse through her.

The power building within her burst free.

Energised every cell; to the least particle of her being.

Instinct guided her hand to a jagged piece of hard wood.

Desperate; Fearful; Angry; Righteous.

Her skin burned with their need for justice.

Fury enveloped her.

Teeth bared in the face of the Demons, she snarled.

She screeched like a fiery sea bird.

Arm raised, the crowd roared.

Berserker; she charged.

~~~

Kennedy caught her; hand wiping sweat from her brow.

Willow was barely able to shake her head.

Blanket laid around her naked torso she collapsed into her lover's chest.

Attempting comfort Kenn said she could try again in the morning.

Willow sobbed silently; knowing different.

Another Slayer had slipped away.

Gone.

Another nameless girl lost to their insanity.

Fallen.

Falling.

Failing.

Water was closing overhead.

Would she find land?

Would they find harbor?

Goddess watch over us all,

kerk

ps. elisi , on reading this; or the immediate version anyway, back in June (of 2020) commented with a couple of lines from this https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/47311/the-waste-land which I unconsciously echoed; even though I had not read it for over twenty years, I think.
These are the lines :-

~ A crowd flowed over London Bridge, so many,

I had not thought death had undone so many. ~

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Kim Sae-ron (2000-2025)

2025-02-16T19:37:24Z

Discovered that a Korean actress, Kim Sae-ron was found dead at her home this morning.

This fanvid https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9DhOV2Rexg for her, and her character on the Korean adaptation of Leverage opened up a whole new world of Korean cinema and dramas for me.

I Can't help but believe she was hounded to death because of a drink-driving incident something like three years ago. Korean media and fans can be incredibly toxic. More than a few actors & artists have taken their lives because of it. Too early to know what happened, but hard to believe that bullying culture did not play a huge role.*

Hard to fathom that another talent with such potential is gone.

Only thing I can think now is I really need to get that Soljiwan story written and not forget to dedicate to her & Yun Sol and Seo Ji-wan; also the actors who played them Lee Jo-jung & Yun Sol-ah.

Goddess grant she find the peace now that she could never find in this world.

Trying hard not to cry now.

kerk

ps. *Cannot say if it was truly the reason, but I have been on the edge of that abyss too many times for it not to be at the forefront of my thoughts.

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Fics for 2025 # 004 ~ Thru October, until Forever

2025-02-13T22:00:04Z

TITLE: Thru October, until Forever

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

LENGTH: 200

CHARACTERS: Lisa Torres*; Dawn Summers; Martin King (Lisa's Dad),

'SHIP: Dawn/Lisa,

SUMMARY: As this is intended for Halfamoon 2025's Day Thirteen Prompt, One Hit Wonders, a little backstory.

Lisa is Dawn's companion during her scenes in 'The Body'; only scenes she, Lisa' has in the series. Over the years I have written a lot; A Lot, of stories featuring the two as a couple.

This is the first time she has had a surname; this is the case with her Dad as well; hence the different surnames, a fact that will be, hopefully, be explained in a future story. Lisa's Mom died when she was two year's old.
Those three facts are the same in every 'verse I've written them into and, the only relevance they have here is that a certain character is alive in this 'verse, and her name is included in the story. Relevant here is that Lisa's Mom and Dad never married and her Dad has been raising her alone since her Mom died.

At this point they are somewhere between Homecoming, when they were seventeen, and the second half of their Senior year when they are both eighteen; no particular relevance there, excepting it leaves it open for me to include this story in all my Buffyverses where Sunnydale is destroyed.

A/N: Title is a reference both to Girl in Red's iconic We Fell in Love in October, but also to the original idea for a story I've been working on since, it feels like forever, as far back as lockdown.

“Butterflies? “

Lisa managed to breathe, at least, as Dawn's pinky brushed hair from her wet cheek. Grasping the finger she kissed it, smiling as she turned her head.

“Feet as big as icebergs.”

Dawn's eyes revealing how young she really wasn't, Lisa was transported back to the first time she'd made Dawn laugh after the death of her Mother.

“Are we ready?”

Dawn's query was almost the reverse of hers on Dawn's first day back at School after the funeral.

Wordlessly touching foreheads they began whispering some of Tara's favourite song lyrics; almost like a prayer to them now.

The sound of the front door of her house roused them; turning they saw her Dad, trying to look stern with his arms across his chest.

Demanding an answer.

“Are We not due a formal introduction?”

Momentarily confused Lisa rolled her eyes, before realising that this was Dawn's first visit since they'd come out as a couple. Then she took in the formal inquiry.

Her Dad was talking about her Mom.

Smiling as a single tear prepared to journey down her cheek, Lisa took their hands in hers; connecting the four of them.

“My Parents this... This is my Heart revealed.”

May the Goddess watch over you in these dark time,
kerk hiraeth

FIRST LOVE
by
John Clare

I ne’er was struck before that hour

With love so sudden and so sweet,

Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower

And stole my heart away complete.

My face turned pale as deadly pale,

My legs refused to walk away,

And when she looked, what could I ail?

My life and all seemed turned to clay.

And then my blood rushed to my face

And took my eyesight quite away,

The trees and bushes round the place

Seemed midnight at noonday.

I could not see a single thing,

Words from my eyes did start—

They spoke as chords do from the string,

And blood burnt round my heart.

Are flowers the winter’s choice?

Is love’s bed always snow?

She seemed to hear my silent voice,

Not love's appeals to know.

I never saw so sweet a face

As that I stood before.

My heart has left its dwelling-place

And can return no more.

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Fics for 2025 #003 ~ Dear Mama, (BtVS)

2025-02-12T14:30:38Z

TITLE: Dear Mama,

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (FemaleHusband!verse)

CHARACTER: Buffy Summers

LENGTH: 300,

RATING: PG-13,

A/N: This is set some time after the setting up of Slayer HQ (around 2005) and the time the first of the various Slayer facilities started becoming operational (between late 2006 and the summer of 2008), with the facilities in Tibet & Scotland mentioned.

The title originates with one of the episodes of Jet Wolf's Buffy continuation where Kennedy & Tara are on a road trip; discovering a mixtape of Tara's, and also discovering that Tara's music taste is far removed from what she assumed. It's also the fourth, or fifth, different title that I considered and, quite literally, decided upon when I was looking for the final line.

I was trying to find the landing for this story and, from somewhere in my head, this song popped into my head. Given that the, original, two paragraphs were about Tara & Buffy's Moms; 2Pac's Dear Mama www.youtube.com/watch not only reduced that to a single line, but also gave me my title.

Shonen Knife were playing in her ears as she made her spidery notes in the margins of reports; drinking the Jamaican Mountain Blue, sent her by Kendra's old watcher. A bottle of Japanese Whisky was on it's way in reciprocation.

She smiled behind her cup; knowing full well they were commenting.

She didn't need to hear them.

~~~

The table, both private and public; peaceful as the old library making love to the Espresso Pump at midnight, was a tiny alcove in the never quiet commissary.

Making herself a cup of tea; sent from the Tibetan facility by Oz, she started reading the training reports; much easier task now that the Slayers trained by Giles and Olivia were in charge of typing them up.

She smirked at the highly inappropriate lyrics TLC were uttering.

~~~

Her belly warmed satisfactorily by some deliciously spicy Solangon chicken soup; prepared by their brand new Filipina Watcher-cum-Chef, she relaxed with some Korean desserts; Japanese sodas; sent her by Satsu, and a gorgeous ice cream made by an old friend, and fellow refugee from Sunnydale, she began looking over the names of Slayers who had passed their...

The Junior Slayers insisted on calling it Cruciamentum

… except these kids were over eighteen; returning from deserved vacations, and needing to be assigned.

And nobody had died.

She liked the sound of that.

After pencilling in a couple of names Buffy rose; deciding she needed some more tea. As the water boiled she relaxed by reading the label on the mixtape Tara had given her; some eighties Japanese band was doing a Doors cover.

''That'll Show-ya.'' Chuckling at the thought of Satsu's groan when she heard her chief's terrible joke she returned to the table with the hot water.

~~~

As the fates were wont to do, just as Buffy was about to start on the progress reports for the trainees, the authors returned from a night out; Kennedy, who was leaving for Scotland in the morning, came in to the Commissary and, spotting her, stopped Vi and Rona from invading her personal sanctuary.

Feeling an uncharacteristic warmth for the woman they were all convinced would have succeeded Faith, Buffy opened up the report folder again.

Just then 2Pac turned up as the last artist on the mixtape.

She grinned and shook her head at Tara's amazingly unpredictable musical taste.

Buffy slowly made a silent, and invisible, toast her Mom.

May the Goddess watch over you and those you love in these dark time,

kerk hiraeth

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Fics for 2025 # 002 ~ Chasing Cars (written for Halfamoon

2025-02-02T01:02:57Z

TITLE: Chasing Cars

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

LENGTH: 200

FANDOM: GL's / Kdramas

CHARACTERS/'SHIP: OC's (there are three)

A/N: This idea is a variation on something I've been writing, and re-writing, in my head for well over two years. Sometimes they are Thai; sometimes Filipina; sometimes Korean. This will also, hopefully become something else one day. Even the title changed several times as I have been trying to write this version. The characters have names. I do not know them yet, and may never do so. All three have pretty full back stories; all in my head ~ some of which is finally down on paper, metaphorically speaking.

This was written for Halfamoon; intended for 2025 Day 1 prompt; Fashion it actually feels, now that I have this as finished as I feel it can be, more fitting for lasy year's Day 1 prompt Black/White, but particularly, Shades of Grey.

ADDENDUM: I came to the conclusion this was a good fit for Halfamoon, but it will go up there for Day 14 prompt, First Loves.

As with a mirror crack'd my memories are dis... jointed.

She was wearing a younger boys shorts, and a soccer jersey; at least one size too big.

For him.

She was at least a head shorter than me; more than a head taller than me the last time we were together at her eighteenth birthday party.

She was dressed in red then too; Calvin Klein boxers I'd bought her.

But I can't remember her.

What she sees is a ghost.

I ran.

She stayed and fought.

I don't know the woman she became.

And I do not remember the girl she loved.

That ghost in her head.

That girl died the night she got on her knees for the price of a bowl of soup.

I see the love we had in the photographs, but I don't remember her.

I don't know her.

Do you imagine I want her to know what I became.

After twenty years I am not that girl; not even a woman really.

I am what I became that night.

Can you hold her?

If you do nothing else; hold her the way I did once, the way she...

The way I wish I could.

Goddess watch over you,

kerk

I can't run anymore,

I fall before you,

Here I am,

I have nothing left

Though I've tried to forget,

You're all that I am,

Take me home,

I'm through fighting it,

Broken,

Lifeless,

I give up,

You're my only strength,

Without you,

I can't go on,

Anymore,

Ever again.

(lyrics from October by Evanescence)

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Fics for 2025 # 001 ~ The Slayer That Came in from the Cold (BtVS)

2025-01-02T01:47:29Z

TITLE: The Slayer That Came in from the Cold

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (FemaleHusband!verse)

CHARACTER(s): Faith Lehane;

'SHIP: none;

LENGTH: 350;

RATING: R;

A/N: After two years away Faith has been called back to Slayer HQ; established near the City of Trillium which, though close to a hellmouth, only marks the epicentre of a fiery series of hot spots; most dangerous of which is in Cleveland, but with fiery siblings near Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

Irrelevant to this story is that Faith had already made the decision to return, but only Buffy and Giles know this. Also irrelevant to this story, but important to the series is why they called Faith back; hopefully it won't be too long before I write that story.

This 'verse originates from the non-canon death of Willow in Season Six.

ADDENDUM: I decided this was a good fit for the Halfamoon 2025 Day 3 prompt, Self-care.

By the time she brought her battered old Indian to a rolling halt outside the gatehouse Faith could see it was well past midnight.

After staring down the Slayer in charge, she ignored the instructions she was given, and headed round by the old path next to where the hayfields had been.

More than fifty hours on the road; she needed food, not fucking orders.

Travelling at a purring lope she could see some kids under the lights having a catcher vs. umpire dispute as she took in the changes to the structures and layout in the two years she'd been gone.

Growling at herself, she was still impressed as she dismounted out front of where the inner courtyard stables had been. She took in some kids playing a board game; one hurriedly hiding a plastic bag.

Somebody had painted 'The Feading Room' in rainbow colours over the entrance; they'd used it to store crates of books while they repaired the main house, which set Faith to smirking that her snarky joke would be remembered by kids she'd never met she headed straight for the main cafeteria.

Five minutes later she sat down; tray laden with baked potatoes; pasta; pierogi and chocolate cake.

And confiscated beer.

She recognised some of the faces staring at her as she fed her face.

Grabbing up the last of the pierogi and polished off another beer; watched by the kid she's snagged them from. Grinning at her Faith stood up and chugged the last beer.

Buffy and her Band of Bureaucrats could wait.

Not needing to ask directions; she could see the floor plan Buffy's kid sister had drawn in her head, she grabbed some more Japanese sodas, heading straight for the only room in the building with a bed and a private shower.

Odds on a fuck were low and she needed a shower and a bunk down more than a fuck anyhow.

As she fell asleep she was thinking how to hammer these kids into some kind of shape; almost as if she'd come home.

She kinda liked feeling warm as well.

May the Goddess watch over you and those you love,

kerk hiraeth

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Fics for 2024 # 001 ~ Jukyō no tōchi? a.k.a. Confucian Reigns (a Good Omens (Book) / BtVS X-over)

2024-01-07T21:08:19Z

TITLE: Jukyō no tōchi? a.k.a. Confucian Reigns

AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

FANDOM: X-over ~ Buffy the Vampire Slayer ( femalehusband!verse ); Good Omens (book);

CHARACTER(s): Anathema Device; Newton Pulsifer; Tara Maclay; Faith Lehane;

'SHIP(s): Newton Pulsifer/ Anathema Device; Faith Lehane/Tara Maclay;

LENGTH: 666;

RATING: PG (I guess as there's some suggestion of sexual content, but nothing explicit;

A/N: Just a bit of speculative nonsense; timelines can be whatever you want them to be.

This is Tara & Faith from ~ a version, at least, of the FemaleHusband!verse & Newton Pulsifer & Anathema Device from a version of the Good Omens Book!verse, set sometime in that world after the conclusion of the book; radio version & TV version totally ignored ~ easily, as I have pretty much forgotten the radio version, and have never seen and have, mostly, been able to ignore the TV version of Good Omens.

Not sure the punn-y title really works, but I'm sticking with it.

~ This is dedicated* to the inestimable elisi who has given me more help; friendship & hope than almost anyone else in my life.

I hope she likes this wee thank you; even with all the slippery timey-wimey-ness...

They were both thinking that having a book of predictions would be a useful thing right now.

“Confucius he say, 'the night to come will bear winds of great strength and breadth enough to darken the moon'.'“

Anathema Device temporarily turned her mind from the flat tyre, and frowned at the passenger beside her.

“ Did your car just tell us it would be a dark and stormy night? “

Newton Pulsifer attempted to shrug; he did not know how to explain his plastic Japanese vehicle suddenly spouting Chinese; he presumed it was Chinese, proverbs.

So he just kind of shuddered instead as he suddenly felt the car, very jerkily, being lifted off the ground; tipping the, safely seat-belted travellers, backwards.

He also ignored the fact that a young woman was kneeling to remove the flat tyre, while her companion began knocking on the driver's side window.

It was just the two of them; inside and out.

Just the two.

The woman at the window proffered a bag of cookies. Anethama, smiling, accepted the bag, took a small handful and passed them over to her boyfriend.

Fortunately for him, Newton Pulsifer was in too much of a state of shock to display his usual shocked smile that he, Newton Pulsifer, had an actual girlfriend.

A real girlfriend that he, Newton Pulsifer, was actually having real sex with.

From beside him, a Bostonian accent ~ he had watched Warlock many times as part of his research; certainly not at the behest of his former comrade, Witchfinder Sergeant Shadwell, who would not have approved ~ suddenly yelled, “ Roll me one. “

Before he could point out that his Wasabi had no spare tyre, even in its miraculously reconditioned... er ~ condition... the woman disappeared from the window and rolled a spare tyre under where the front of the car should have been, presumably into the waiting hands of her ~ he had the disturbing notion that the two were lovers.

He wondered how red his face was getting as he fought his unwanted imagination; knowing that for certain, his girlfriend would know what was absolutely not trying to creep into his unwanted imagination.

He could almost hear Shadwell's admonishments to righteousness.

Disturbingly he seemed to be using Anathema's accent...

He risked a sideways glance. Finally he heard what she was actually saying.

“ … these are really very good. “

They locked eyes.
He could see in them that she was well aware his girlfriend; Newton Pulsifer's girlfriend, was well aware the woman was a witch. What the woman changing the non-existent spare tyre was... well a mystery.

Suddenly his Wasabi interrupted his; their?, thoughts with a repeat of her confucing, Confusion...

He frowned.
His frown doubled its frown when he considered the almost cloudless November sky gleaming back down at him.
It wasn't even afternoon.
His car had never been prone to weather predictions either.

Then the Wasabi was slowly; and much more smoothly lowered to the ground.

Newton Pulsifer stared straight ahead, and not at the whispers the Cookie Lady was presenting to her... roommate's ear. The roommate grinned and could clearly be seen ~ but not by him ~ mouthing, 'Again?'

He felt guilty that they never even thought of... offering their rescuers a lift, but he was too busy not looking at the woman as she leant into the car; gently refusing to take the bag of cookies back from his, Newton Pulsifer, girlfriend.

He successfully fought off a smile once more.

“ If I were you, “ she suggested, “ I'd park, “ she paused glancing down, as if seeing the plasticity of the Wasabi for the first time, “ at the Rail Station, and take the train to Yorkshire. “

This time Newton Pulsifer glanced at his girlfriend.
Anathema was ~ not staring ~ er, glancing back at him.

How had she known they were off to visit Anathema's ancestral home?

“ It's going to be a dark and stormy night. “

So intent were they on getting to the Train Station that they didn't see where the two women had disappeared for their... ~ uhm, picnic.

tio-trile.tumblr.com/post/114108619069/requests-well-we-havent-seen-your-headcanon

That dedication ~ This comes from 'The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry' and consists of a note he is writing to his adopted daughter, Maya, about a story he is reccomending to her. ' Maya, perhaps you don't know that I had a wife before Amelia and a profession before I became a bookseller. I was once married to a woman named Nicole Evans. I love her very much. She died in a car accident, and a large part of me was dead for a long time after, probably until I found you.

( to elisi, there's a lot more, but I wanted to include the first paragraph ~ the rest you can read when you get to the copy of the book I sent to you ~ before I added the sentence that matters most here. Little of this is specific to the two of us, but the intent of what I am trying to say is expressed in these last words. You know more about my life than most anyone else and you still seem to like me. That means more than I can truly express. This story is just a small gift to say thank you. )

' … if you're ever interested in reading more about the things your dad did in another life'.

~ A.J.F.

May the Goddess watch over you and all you love,

kerk hiraeth

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Mood vids ~ Lola Lecomte (SKAM France S6)

2023-03-08T19:35:05Z

lola lecomte | sober { skamfrance }



Lola Lecomte // Paralyzed [Skam France S6]

Lola Lecomte || Someday you'll understand

lola's defense squad | leave a light on [ Skam France s6 ]

Lola and Maya || Can you hold me?

Goddess watch over you and those you love,

kerk hiraeth

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POETRY: Not Waving but Drowning by Stevie Smith

2023-03-08T17:34:38Z

NOT WAVING BUT DROWNING
by Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning:

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he’s dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning.

Stevie Smith, “Not Waving but Drowning” from Collected Poems of Stevie Smith. Copyright © 1972

timnawoollard.com/personal/paintings/not-waving-but-drowning

May the Goddess watch over you, and those you love,

kerk hiraeth

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The song remains unsung

2023-02-24T00:05:05Z

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Fanvids for Halfamoon Day 6 ~ Music ep.4 Sol & Ji-wan from Nevertheless

2023-02-09T23:07:10Z

Hard to fathom that something like eighteen months ago I lived in world that was empty of Yun Sol & Seo Ji-wan and their magic. These two weren't even in the original source material the TV show was based on; were created especially for that and it really shows. Their story is so much more nuanced and lacking in melodrama; so much more real and fun and, as a result, they feel so much more real. Even the lead character works better as a character, and the acting is so much better when she's interracting with these two.

I began a soljiwan fic mid-December of 2021, and feel closer now than in more than a year to be able to finish it.

So much love for these characters.

As one reactor screamed, "The Lesbians in the writer's room. Doing God's Work!"

kerk

Sol & Jiwan || Umbrella || Nevertheless Final || [FMV]

Sol x Jiwan | All The Things She Said

#soljiwan: Sorry for liking you

Sol ✘ Ji-wan ► I like me better ║Nevertheless

May the Goddess watch over you and those you love,

kerk

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Fanvids for Halfamoon Day 6 ~ Music ep.3 Sayuri & Yui from Transit Girls

2023-02-09T21:38:30Z

Cannot recall now when it was I first saw the first of these videos; must have been because I was watching other fanvids using this song, but whenever it was I fell in love with this show, and this couple long before I got to see the eight episodes that made up the magic that is Transit Girls and Sayuri & Yui. Not only them, but it's one of the few shows ever made where I like ALL the characters; the wonderful single parents; the heartbroken friends, even the really cool ex-boyfriend. The smile that appears on the face of Yui's mother in the final episode is a lovely sight.

Only eight episodes; so hard to believe since I seem to have watched the entire run three times a week since last November. And I even wrote my first fanfic for nearly a year for the heartbroken friends.

I love them all.

kerk

Sayuri x Yui -Thousand Years

〈Transit Girls Yui&Sayuri〉－Wherever You Are

I choose you　from Transit Girls ( I can't believe it wasn't until this post that I checked who was singing, or why it felt so familiar, even though I'd never heard it until I found this video.~ Sara Bareilles of course, who else!?! )

May the Goddess watch over you and all those you love,

kerk

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